#AutoCensorship


I want to write but I can’t right now.
Too many curious eyes, too many thirsty ears…

I can’t tell the world what I think about or dream at night, for it is too personal and probably… No, never mind.

I want to elaborate about that thrill, about those fears, about what makes me shiver (cause it does).

I’d love to prose about my inspirations, who I miss and long for and what upsets me.

But right now, it is not the right time;
And I’m wondering if… No, never mind.

It is too Fresh and Raw, too Uncut.

I am not ready for the scrutiny.

Too many curious eyes, too many thirsty ears…

#AutoCensorship

#ADayInALife

  
It’s amazing the difference one day can make:

You wake up feeling horrible, you lay down at night peaceful and collected.

I’m so drastic and so impatient and so easily overwhelmed. Cause that’s who I am. 

Eventually, things swiftly slide into place as soon as I get into the right groove and feel comfortable; things swiftly slide back into place and it feels damn good. Those “things” I had forgotten, resurfaced and make it hard to ever forget again…

Shit….

#LovelySummer #oozing

#Withdrawal 

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 You know you made the right move to go #ColdTurkey but now, you are going through #Withdrawal, and that ish* hurt like a MF.

You think you are ok, and ultimately you will be, but at that moment all Hell breaks loose.

You know that some “events” have little to do with you; however, it does not matter. Your confidence is fractured – yet again – your spirit is bruised – yet again. You feel as all could have been avoided if only you had done things differently. Really? Not really.

But you know that you were the best you could have been and done what you believed was right and gave that extra ounce of Love you had.

You can’t believe you fell again, so loudly.
You can’t believe you opened up so brightly.

Again..

But you better believe it cause that is who you are: #PassionatelyDeliberate #BeautifullyFlawed

You know you made the right move to go #ColdTurkey but presently you are going through real bs called  #Withdrawal, and that ish* hurt like a MF. Like a MF. Like a MF.

#KeepBreathingDeeply

#TrustTheProcessAlways

#PTSD

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Although #heartbreak does not kill you, it does a number on you; the fear of another encounter is sometimes so overwhelming that it almost does not matter you survived.

You just can’t help but look over your shoulder and/or second guess yourself.You keep hoping, smiling, praying, chanting… or whatever else you usually do to “cope”, but you just feel broken: that is just the way it is.
What does not kill you makes you stronger; but did you know that first you would have to experience #PTSD?

Then, it will make you either stronger, or just harder – harder to get – by.

#Speechless

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“There is no difference between time and any of the three dimensions of space except that our consciousness moves along it”. The Time Machine, G. Wells

It is usually unexpected. You are suddenly experiencing an emotional roller coaster, a rush.

It’s almost like, somehow, you are lapsing in time, losing track of one of the independent variables of the Spacetime continuum.

Maladroitly, you are trying to maneuver in between the lines, but every time you grab onto something, you slip and keep falling down the rabbit hole.

Shit! You. Are. Left. Speechless.

You? Speechless?

Huh?

Are you trying to make sense of it? This is – Pointless.

Some emotions are better left alone until they settle down nicely on their own. 

Some emotions should remain nameless for there are no words to accurately define them.

Some emotions are not meant to be shared.

Just let it marinate for a while.

Keep it moving.

#KeepBreathing.

Welcome the silence.

Accept the daze.

#TrustTheProcess.

#BarkingUpTheWrongTree

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La goutte d’eau qui fait déborder le vase” is a French idiomatic expression, which literally means “the drop of water that has made the vase overflow”. I guess this could be translated in English by the straw that broke the camel’s back, although the accuracy of the French saying pertains much better to my situation. But anyway, this was the first thing that came to my mind this morning after someone’s small and sweet gesture made me reevaluate the way I had lately been handling certain situations.

I firmly believe that every single person touching our life from close or from afar has a specific purpose. This purpose might be obvious or it might not be; however, it is ALWAYS life altering as it guides and influences you through different paths, doors and ultimately helps you experience a meaning-full life.

Furthermore, let’s put it out there: the Universe does not make any mistakes; she has been doing this ish* for a while now and it does not matter what you think you really want; I know you really really want it, and it seems like this is IT – but you are confused; what you want is irrelevant because as the caring and loving entity she is, she will only give you what you NEED.

And in a near or distant future, you’ll see that obviously, at the time, you were barking up the wrong tree. So, It is up to us to do it her way or the hard way.

Sometimes you just need to let the water overflow and #TrustTheProcess.

#BoutThatInstantReward – Curbing my Enthusiasm

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instant reward

Have you ever felt like your thought process had completely deviated over time?

These past couple of years I have realized how impulsive I am about pretty much everything I like and consequently want; I have literally become obsessed with the most random (or not so random) *ish. It can be a book I have just read, a movie or documentary I have just watched, someone I have just met – I experience a scary level of intensity I would have a hard time to explain, but that could be compared to a high degree of inebriation, I guess… Furthermore, I would probably attempt to describe this phenomenon as a combination of my high sensitivity to surroundings as well as how I feed off of all sorts of energies; My emotions are as raw as ones of little animals, primitive, and as far as I can remember, it has always been that way: lacking filters that is.

I have always been ’bout that instant reward, and let me tell you something about that MF: without going into any details, it can get you into REAL trouble!

The most interesting part would be how long it took me to realize that there was a pattern here: what usually seemed like an Excellent idea (and I stress the word) was obviously and absolutely ludicrous. Think of those times you saw someone do crazy shit and felt like saying: “Who TF does that,” with “that” stance that tells it all: that was me. 

Looking back, I believe that my calm demeanor and the overall symmetrical features allowed me dodge lethal bullets; nonetheless, and very (un)fortunately, all of it did happen. Felt like living in a parallel dimension where common rules did not (or so I thought) applied, per se… A type of judging impairment that occurs when you hit your head a little too hard on the round edge of a wooden bed.

The good news is that, as my journey through self-discovery continues, I now recognize and acknowledge the pattern and I am able to cope with my urges… which is, granted, not the easiest thing but promising for the future.

Greatness takes time, dedication and patience. Passion is beautiful, but eagerness makes it hard to actually reach that level of long-lasting satisfaction. Eagerness shatters spirits, I know it shattered mine several times in the past, but I say: no more; and I am at peace with it: Life has a specific design and since the Universe has a purpose for each and every one of us I have no choices but accept it, fully – and trust her process.

Have you ever felt like your thought process had completely deviated over time? If so, feel free to share!

#HaveYouClaimedYourQueendom?

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Have you? If not, you should. Easier said than done, I know…

I believe that the most effective way to change the world for the better is to finally acknowledge and empower women the way they should always have been. Last week I was told I had a Queen Complex. I was told I had a #QueenComplex because I believe that I should be treated like I am special. But (in my mind) I do think I am, and I also believe that all my sisters out there are. Call me vain, full of myself or even over-confident; however, the reality is that I allow myself to be out of my comfort zone and live my truth. I still feel insecure and inadequate, but not because I am being judged by others. I feel insecure and inadequate simply because it takes a moment to adjust to newness.

I will admit it, over the years I have made mistakes: I have lied and manipulated. I have used, judged and disregarded others’ feelings. I have even been conniving, spoke hurtful words and was unfair to those who loved me most; and this was the kind version to the things I inflicted to myself. The pain flourishing in my womb quickly encompassed my heart and blazed those who dare to come too close. Numbness had me unable to feel pleasure even from the most delectable gifts life was offering. Then one day, the Shift of Consciousness occurred when a little angel reminded me that Queens love themselves regardless of circumstances and radiate that love so other can feel the softness of their touch, the warmth of their breath, the solace in their words like a tender caress. Queens rise up and lead, and fill their higher purpose. Queens don’t let shame paralyze them. Interestingly enough, it was not the first time this angel had come to me, but this time I decided to listen because I felt ready.

Unfortunately, as women, we face so many challenges, starting with ourselves; challenges influenced by society, our peers/family, the media and everything in between. Again, I consider that all women have this innate untapped super power, which in most occurrences we regrettably fail to recognize, and are totally unaware of how potent it is. Hence, most of us live our entire lives consumed by this unreleased verve.

My wish is for the future is to unleash the full potential that reside in every Queen out there, to nurture, inspire, uplift and support their spirit with love and compassion.

Have you claimed your Queendom yet? I hope those words will hearten your soul and motivate you to do so.

Most importantly, be gentle to yourself.

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