I am not sure I ever advertise the fact I had self-published a book on Amazon this past July 2019.
Well here it is. I’ll share a little bio with you and if you scroll down to the end, you will be able to download a free sample, and some video I made – and all the way, if you wish to support, I put the links by countries!
Happy Post Valentine’s Day! I hope you had a great time.
Unrequited love and/or attraction is a cold place to be in, literally; and it happens to the best of us.
I’ve been that friend, but I have also been “friend-zoned”, ghosted and ignored.
One thing I can say is that this shit hurts like a mofo [Larenz Tate Voice] – you pace back and forth, stomping on our ego – and if you are not careful, you will think it has something to do with you, when in fact, the Universe always has a plan.
Somehow, this song feels this was a true story. Unfortunately, even if being one’s « biggest fan » is good, it is NEVER good enough! Either you are a fan or you are not, and if to think this should make a difference there may have been ulterior motives, which tends to end badly most of the time. I’d say the bullet was dodged from both side.
I really love Thundercat’s music and really like that song, He is one of the few artists I would just purchase their album without previewing. Once listened to it repeatedly from Melville to my house, this was a great ride. I event went to see him performed by myself – what a treat.
I’ll end up by asking if we could agree that despite the hurt caused, this was the ground for inspiration which lead to the song, or is it me being selfish?
I recently spent some quality time in France with family – I was staying at my grandmotherâs house. One day we we had a disagreement and she said to me I was âsuch an intellectualâ – she said it the same way republicans call you a âliberalâ. I laughed things off and kept it moving as I usually do: to deflate the hurt a kin inflicts others when themselves are in pain.
To say the truth, I was annoyed at first, but then got curious about why she thought that voicing my opinion was a problem. It took some time, but after thinking about it for a while I came to some conclusion of my own. Every time I had felt powerless in front of injustices was when I did not know how to respond to attacks – which as a result had made me angry. So, I am constantly trying to educate myself on issue pertaining to feminism, racism and the like – because it felt empowering: in other words analyzing and instructing when feeling attached is my “defense mechanism”.
I had heard about Anna Freudâs theory on defense mechanisms for the first time a few months prior by watching The School of Life‘s episode on Psychoanalysis. I decided to find out more. Turns out that what made the most sense to me, according to this theory, was that I may champion at âIntellectualizationâ.Â
âAccording to Freud, intellectualization as a psychodynamic defense mechanism refers to an emphasized focus on facts, logic, and abstract reasoning to assert control over and reduce unpleasant emotions associated with internal or external events.â
Yes, this made sense. I constantly need to know why things happen the way they do.
I tend to seek explanations to any and every out-of-the-ordinary-situations that may affect me – and by extension, others like me. I even wrote a poem about it:
When I feel threatened, my brain automatically fires up into “Overthinking” mode . Rationalizing helps me to calm down in stress-inducing circumstances. For instance, if someone felt entitled to say something out of line or mean to me, instead of reacting, with the tools that is knowledge, I can logically respond: I am only able to do so when I am educated on a topic. That say it does not mean you’ll be able to convinced the person in front of you – since facts are not enough to convince people!
In my research I also found out that there were a biological aspects of defense mechanisms: In short, the very ancient part of the brain called amygdala is responsible for triggering the sympathetic nervous system – which is responsible for the fight or flight response. Once that type of stress is triggered, there is no switch to turn it off on its own. Our only option to âcalm things downâ is to activate its counterpart, the parasympathetic system. There are efficient ways to do so, including walking in nature, breathing and meditation (more here). I should also mention that eating, although it is not mentioned, triggers the parasympathetic system: oh thatâs why, when we are upset your freewill is highjacked and your are uncontrollably drawn to the Ben and Jerry bin int he freezer!!!
Reflecting on this helped in many ways. Firstly, I learn ways to manage even better my anxieties by understanding how they arise; it also brought lots of empathy towards myself and others – in finding out there is a part that is rooted in “instinct” and early childhood experience – hence very hard to control. I am grateful I was able find some insight and happy my grand mother initiated this introspection.
Who would have thought that a show with a single prominent theme could run for over 20 years? Well, “Law and Order – SVU” premiered on September 20th, 1999 on NBC and became on September 27th 2019 the longest-running primetime drama!
I have to say that Mariska Hargitay and her team of detectives are some of my favorite peeps to watch on TV, week after week, in their attempts to make the streets of New York City a safer place.
What never seem to amaze me is that the number of stories of violence made against children, young girls, teenagers and women (and occasionally men) is so copious the writers of the show never seem run out of “inspirations”: numbers are staggering.
No doubt in my mind it helped shift our perceptions around the epidemic of sexual assault and domestic violence, and hopefully made a difference in how we perceive survivors. By showcasing the trauma endured by victims having to maneuver through the justice system, pointing out how abusers operate and cunning they can be, among other things… the show has allowed millions of viewers to get acquainted with the reality of assault victims but also the job of detectives.
In my opinion, L&O also contributed to the fight against the crimes of domestic violence, sexual assault, dating violence and stalking by giving us the tools to recognize it and the language to describe + “normalizing”, if you will, the process of reporting it. It opened the door to discussions we never would have had if not for it. Moreover, episode after episode it persistently delivers a potent truth: It is not Victims’ fault.
There has been advancement and I want to stay hopeful for the future even if we still have a long way to go as women’s bodies are continuously under attack, attempted to be shamed, controlled, policed and silenced by men, women, the justice system and institutions.
I hope to see even more men getting involved and take responsibility to dismantle the system they put into place and benefit from – maybe a place to start can be Marishka’s foundation website, the Joyful Heart Foundation, and read its insightful report Defining Manhood for the Next Generation – which main goal is to offer “greater insight into how young menâs understanding and definition of manhood, the role of men and women, and sexuality and sexual orientation so to navigate authentically building upon the positive underpinnings of masculinity to promote an aspirational view of masculinity and change attitudes about manhood.“
Here are a couple excerpts:
” While many young men state that gender equality and the respectful treatment of others are priorities, the views some hold regarding gender, gender roles, sex, and sexual assault underscore the challenge to catalyze a cultural shift. Too many young men refuse to push back against and outright disagree with antiquated and dangerous societal norms.”
“One out of every four young men does not disagree that the victim is to blame in cases of sexual assault.”
Even if this report focuses on young men, it highlights many beliefs that may be carried on in adulthood *This may explain why some people still defend predators* – so it is worth for everyone to take a look at.
NO MORE PSA “Speechless” 30 second Campaign
To me, violence against women starts when we tell little girls to be âgoodâ, little boys âdon’t act like a girlâ, and we fail to cultivate empathy and compassion within our communities. Shows such as Law and Order SVU, demonstrates the consequences of our shortcomings. A conscious form of edutainment in its attempts to bring awareness. It created a launching pad for change, and combined with people’s efforts and truly hope it’ll minimize even further the stigma and shame associated with sexual and mental abuse.
Je decide donc aujourdâhui de parler – en français (je pense que pas tout le monde parle lâanglais) de lâepisode avec docteur Lisa Mosconi neuroscientist et neurologiste, fondatrice de #WomenBrainIntiative, .
One of my favorite podcasts is #KwikBrain with host and âbrain specialist @JimKwik. Whenever I listen to this podcast, I sit down comfortably and take my notebook, then I reflect on what I have learnt during the episode and share.
Today, I have decided talk about in French (for those who do not speak English) and English of the episode with neuroscientic @Dr_Mosconi founder of #WomensBrainIntiative .
She explains that women are more subject to the risks associated with mental illness than men. For example, they suffer twice as much from depression / anxiety, 3 times more from autoimmune diseases, headaches, brain tumors, etc. In addition, 2 out of 3 Alzheimer patients are women. This is due, she explains, in part to the rate of hormone change, particularly during pre-menaupose / menaupose.
We’re just starting to get involved in the issue.
As a woman in my late 30s and with my training as a dietician, I am obviously very interested in the issue. I just ordered his book âBrain Foodâ which I will review once I read it.
Please check Episode 88 of Kwik Brain and all the videos I posted!
