It might look messy from afar…

(Pic by Brianna Kilgore)

Like many of us, I sometimes feel depressed.

That’s why I like to remind myself how awesome my life is.

Moving to New York almost 10 years ago has been one of the most important life experiences I have ever had; and although the big apple can be a lonely place, I was able to secure meaningful relationships, and become the woman I am today.

I am mostly grateful for the opportunities presented to me, since they would unlikely have had been an option in my douce France, cher pays de mon enfance.

I am a self-made person. Remembering getting ready and dressed for school, by myself, since as young as 8 years old – and yes, this was immortalized in the school pictures, years after years…

Although I never doubt about my intellectual capacities, I never thought I was pretty enough. How can I be? I looked so different from the archetypes and people surrounding me. As a result I often felt sorry for myself, engaging in self-destructive behaviors and/or relationships.

Through adolescence I was able to manage graduating junior high and high school, getting my Baccalaureat without any problems despite the certain lack of “serious” efforts. After a year hanging at la fac d’Aix-en-Provence (University of Aix-en-Provence) and more particularly in the dorms of Les Gazelles – dropped – spending the following year in BTS for becoming a trilingual PA –dropped-, moving to Paris to work for a while– moving back down south for a few months, where I studied Tourism and operating system to work in travel agency  (that I never used)–dropped–, I finally ended back up in Paris, in search for a better future (but still no plans) – I should mentioned that “planning” is not a concept widely taught in France; or at least I am not aware of it.

Moving to New York, and most particularly accessing the higher practical American education system (and the fact that anyone, regardless of their age and without being judged, has the chance to go back to school for any career under the sun), has been without a doubt, the best thing for me.

Before abundance, I have been so far “making my mind up” and studied topics, ranging from music engineering to jazz performance and now nutrition, and still working towards my undergraduate degree (ah ah). I would never have had this chance back “home”. Matter of fact, when I first arrived back in 2004, I was already considered “too old” to go back to school.

Now you might tell yourself: what’s wrong with this one, dropping careers one after the other. Well I wonder that same thing. It’s really a mix. Sometimes, I didn’t like things anymore; other times I didn’t feel I was good enough, and got scared to fail.

Nonetheless, I keep going hoping to one day inspire someone by assuring them that I survived it all, and that all was not in vain. Who knows what the future holds?

Right now, I am a small business owner (oh I forgot to mentioned I am making awesome jewelry), working on my BS in nutrition, looking for musicians to start a band and writing a few blogs on nutrition, cooking and my experience as a French girl in Brooklyn…

I might get up depressed sometimes, and my life might look messy from afar, but I do love it and wouldn’t switch places for anything, because the journey is awesome.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2013