#IfUAskMeTo

I’m oversharing ‘cause,
In reality who knows if
We’ll ever meet again?
From Now on
Anything can happen…

Your next move is inconsequential
For what matters is mine
Your next move is relevant
Only if it includes my heart

Handled with dignity
Care for reciprocity

I’m over sharing ‘cause
In reality who knows if
We’ll ever speak again?
From Now On…
Anything can happen…

Although it takes the back seat
I’m eager to know more
For what matter is
To let it out – to let it known – to let it lived

It’s hard to eloquently share
my inner thoughts,
Even if many times
Simplicity alone, works

Hoping that overtime
The process will get easier

I’m over sharing ‘cause
In reality who knows if
We’ll ever kiss again?
From Now On…
Anything can happen.

#IfYouAskMeTo.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#FYI

Amazingly enough, life happens again in the most interesting way possible.

I matter; yet, I feel so insignificant sometimes.
I matter; yet, I feel like silence carries its weight so heavily on my shoulder it makes me bend over.
Uneasiness rips my soul into pieces and make me reconsider how things should be handled… or rather left alone.

I smile but I catch the subtleties of life more efficiently than you’d ever know.
But you’d never know.
Well I guess, now you know…

#FYI

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#FirstBase

Soft and Sweet.

I reminisce the Brightness of the morning.
I reminisce the Taste of drunk kisses.

I reminisce the Thrill of sleepless nights.

I reminisce the Strength of my desire.
I reminisce the Warmth of Your breath.
& your tender caress.

I reminisce the Scent of your face.
Your hands through my hair.
You calling my name.

I reminisce how it feels like.
I reminisce how it feels like.

I reminisce… How good it feels.

For now.

#FirstBase

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#TheMessenger

“The Universe does not make any mistakes; She has been doing this ish* for a while now and it does not matter what you think you really want; I know you really, really want it, and it seems like this is IT – but you are confused; what you want is irrelevant because as the caring and loving entity she is, she will only give you what you need.”

I did say that… and although I sometimes have my doubts, mainly driven by my insecurities, I BELIEVE in it. I BELIEVE in HER.

The summer is not over, yet I have learnt so much about myself. Interacted with people that shifted the way I feel about life – whose essence brought me closer to the woman I have always meant to be.

I experienced sensations I thought I had forgotten and it left me speechless and asking for mo’. The former bitterness finally turned into a palatable treat – perfectly blended Hendricks and Tonic – a black-unsweetened dark- roast hot cup of coffee.

I have precisely been asking the universe to be good to me (among other eccentric requests) and she has been even if the darkest time; however, she was expecting more from me… Being oblivious to her cues, hints and signs, she had no choices but to gently send, as a gift a *blessing*, one of her messengers so to break it down… It was done so perfectly that I can physically and spiritually sense the transition. I am letting go of the resentment and failed attempts; I am letting go of the disappointments of these broken promises; I’m letting it go, so to leave room in my heart to be filled again by that love I have been longing for.

I can’t wait to recognize you.

#TrustTheProcess
#Summer2015.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#ProudWeAre

Pride is a necessary evil, which unbalanced, will make you waste time on love and might even bruise a beautiful relationship (to be) beyond repair;

And yes, everyone’s goal is to protect their heart; and granted, indifference allows time for sensitive soul to heal accordingly, and yes: actions do speak louder than words, even though sometimes, the reasons behind the actions are deeper than what we assume.

I guess you will have to ponder if it is worth it in the end.

Can your heart afford to lose a love that might change the course of time?
Can your heart afford to lose the opportunity to raise your soul to higher grounds?

These are Valid Questions you might want to ask yourself when ish* are going down.

#JustSayin’

Proud. We. Are.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#PTSD

Although #heartbreak does not kill you, it does a number on you; the fear of another encounter is sometimes so overwhelming that it almost does not matter you survived.

You just can’t help but look over your shoulder and/or second guess yourself. You keep hoping, smiling, praying, chanting… or whatever else you usually do to “cope”, but you just feel broken: that is just the way it is.

What does not kill you makes you stronger; but did you know that first you would have to experience #PTSD?

Then, it will make you either stronger, or just harder – harder to get – by.

Although #heartbreak does not kill you, it does a number on you; the fear of another encounter is sometimes so overwhelming that it almost does not matter you survived.

But you did survive.
& that’s what matters.

#PTSD

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#ShortUpdate

For the past month I have been sleep deprived and expectedly it has clouded my judgment and nudged my inner balance; and because of all the life changing events presently occurring it has been challenging.

Although I am still experiencing anxiety, and I am extremely tired, these past couple of days I felt a deep calm within me. Months ago I asked the Universe for a few things, I actually wrote them down, and amazingly enough, they are becoming reality. I am not a religious person, but I believe in homeostasis, some call it Karma and how– we, as part of the universe – have an amazing untapped power.

As things are falling into place pretty awesomely, (just like I had asked the universe) I wanted to share with you a non-exhaustive list I believe helped me to make my desires concrete:

  1. Be as specific and intentional as you can be – if it is what you really want (months, date, names, locations…), do not live room for doubt, and be ready to receive.
  2. Be cautious of what you are asking for because it will materialize; however,
  3. do not be afraid.
  4. Be grateful and share your story as inspiration, but keep it for those who asked for it.
  5. Keep unsolicited advice for yourself.

So that is it for this short update… Until next time

#ShortUpdate

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#AboutTrustingMyGut

I woke up clear headed.

I think that once I’ll intentionally position myself for success and truly accept that failure is part of the growth process, I’ll be blessed with those things I’ve been longing for.

Although I acknowledge the latter (failure as the best thing that can happen to me), what has prevented me from fully accepting it is my fear of rejection and unwillingness to listen to my feelings.

I usually do so because I distrust my emotions and constantly challenge my instinct, that I consider fallible – when it’s in fact probably the most accurately unbiased tool I have at my disposition  – and I should use it.

Yet, I am quick to run my mouth and ask my friends why they think things are one way or the other, when I already know* why, just so to introduce perspectives fitting the narrative I’d like to see unfold.

Well, as cliché as it sounds, actions always speak louder than words, the intentions hardly matter and we do not always get what we want.

Bottom line, when you feel unsettled, trust your gut, Always.

Today, I woke up clear headed and I have decided to accept that everyone in my life has a defined purpose and once that purpose has been fulfilled it’s ok to let go. The quicker I’ll do so, the closer I’ll be from all those things I have been longing for.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

Daphné 2.0

Screen Shot 2016-02-14 at 12.22.34 PM

Life is complex. But does it have to be?

I have a hard time to find a balance between straightforwardness, which can sound harsh (and make people feel uncomfortable), and sugarcoating my words. I really admire and look up to those who can confidently manage both qualities simultaneously, without sounding passive-aggressive.

Although I grew a lot as an individual these past couple of years and I am still in the process of becoming the woman I have always meant to be, I still struggle with these two, and feel as I still have a long way to go.

Over the years I have evolved: I used to be fearless and opinionated, then I became afraid and perplexed about the world. I *toned down* which is not necessarily a bad thing, I guess, yet I had become so subdued that the day of my shift of consciousness those around who had never really experienced me that way were rather surprised, to say the least… It is their life tho, they need to deal with that *ish on their own time; Long story short: I understand the rules a little better and somehow have the self-restrain I lacked in the past (allegedly); needless to say that I am better version of my former self.

July 2015 has been so far one of the most stressful month this year, which is ok, as I tend to perform best during highly challenging times. I just hope I will get the chance to exhale, because I have been waiting to do so for quite some time now. *I feel like it is coming*.

Life is complex. But does it have to be? I guess it does, until you finally accept your boundlessness.

Currently loading… Daphné 2.0

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#OnLoveAndLustAndEverythingInBetween (Part1)

I sometimes wonder if I will ever fall in Love again.

Some days it is obvious I will, others I doubt it very much.

Let me reiterate: I wonder if, one day, I will fall into this reciprocated Love that feels so good that nothing seems* to matter anymore, at least for a while. That Lust that overrides everything and shields you from all the negative clouds coming your way.

That astounding pleasure that lingers down your belly, tickling butterflies…  exhilarating, intoxicating, inspiring, rush of Oxytocin… Pretty dope, pretty sweet.

A parallel world where shades of blue superpose and intertwine into an undulating ocean of softness and where each breath ends in a sigh…Ooo… Can you taste the rainbow yet?

Anyway, if you feel I am delusional or too romantic: #BlameItOnMaxwell not on me… I trust that the universe will provide me with what I need, when I will need it the most. All I want is a piece of that bliss…
Love Jones

#OnLustLoveAndEverythingInBetween (Poem)

I sometimes wonder if

I will fall in Love again.

This reciprocated Love

So good nothing seems* to matter anymore

That Lust that overrides everything

Encompasses your soul with thrills

Shields you from dark clouds

Astounding pleasure lingering down, tickling butterflies…

Exhilarating, intoxicating, inspiring, rush of Oxytocin

Pretty dope, pretty sweet.

A parallel world where shades of blue superpose

Intertwine into an undulating ocean of softness

Where each breath ends in a sigh.

All I want is a piece of that bliss…

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#IfGodExists

#IfGodExists
She won’t mind me questioning her existence.

#IfGodExists
She is waiting on my next move.

#IfGodExists
She is unapologetically fierce and beautifully honest.

#IfGodExists
She loves purposely and accepts unconditionally.
 
She forgives and understands.
She accordingly provides.
She never doubts and she believes.
She judges not and always allows me to wonder if God exists.

#IfGodExists

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#ThePowerOfSymmetry

I was called beautiful twice in the space of a week.

It came from two different individuals, and under two very different circumstances:

The first time was sweetly whispered and unexpected in that way, definitely validating. It warmed every inches of my body. I *think* it was genuine and I greeted the compliment by a thank you. I understood the process: these words had come through special lenses, visual cues and other senses that transcended physicality.

The second time, was different. It was almost if, I were to blame for it. Hostile encounter where I had to explain how uncomfortable it could make me feel to be described as such.

It is indeed complicated: I do think that I fit a certain standard of attractiveness, which means that depending on which angle you are coming from, I may (or may not) look enticing. I am not meant to move everybody, (like Ruby Rose, what a relief) and I am at peace with that.

I acknowledge the power of symmetry, biologically – as our body’s survival instinct, strongly reacts, at a chemical level, to those who might be a compatible match to produce healthy offspring. Of course, there are many other factors involved in “choosing” and “picking” but I am starting to wonder how much free will we have when it comes to that type of things. How much, if we stick to a primitive approach, can we deny the power of symmetry?

Well, I can only talk for myself when I say that I view it as a potent force, a catalyst for relationships and all the things in between.

I was called beautiful twice in the space of a week. Actually, it happened a third time between when I started to write and finished this post. I don’t really know why things happen the way they do, and maybe never will, but I know that in the end it will all make sense.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#Catharsis

Processed with VSCOcam with g3 preset
#LivingMyLifeLikeItsGolden

Magic occurs when you stop judging yourself,
When you allow your flaws to be seen
Vulnerability to exist.

Shame will hinder Everything.
Paralyze you to your core,
Cut the grass under your feet:
Don’t let it have the last word.

I was born Free-Spirited
But that spirit was stolen by boundaries and conventions.
I was born unchained
But was taught that I should wear shackles so I could fit in.

Today I woke up crying
but my tears were cathartic:
I have been lying to the world,
I have been lying to mySelf.

But the Universe knows
And She has forgiven.

Who am I, not to grant Her wish?

& I forgave mySelf too, so to let Magic happen.

#Catharsis

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#AboutPatience

#AboutPatience

Every time I felt challenged, I got extremely overwhelmed. Although my life might appear unorthodox for some people, I have been living very comfortable and cautious existence. Here’s the problem: nobody has ever reached the sky by being safe, and the sky is all I’ve been longing for.

I’ve been meaning to explore this one precious gift of a life to its fullest, but was from early infused with fears and doubts. Having a strong support system is really a blessing, I think, even if some succeed without.

I claim that I am aware of my privileges, yet I can’t help but complaining about things that I can easily change, or rather, things I think I can easily change, as if, maybe, there were forces that are stronger than we might admit. As if, even with all the purpose in the world, there were energies that are way more potent that we want to give them credit for.

I have this strong belief that in the end it will all make sense. It is how I am able to get up every day and keep going, despite the headaches, the heartaches, disappointments and the shame.

Meanwhile, I am being patient.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#BlameItOnMaxwell.


Once upon a time, we created music, and since then, nothing has ever been the same. There is a great deal of info we can deduct about each other, according to our musical tastes. Music fertilizes ideas, behaviors, shapes our minds, and inspires us. It’s incontestably one of the most powerful tools humans have at their disposition. The Beat is innate, as it mimics life, the heart.

I think I was always moved, more than the average folk, by people and *things’ energy. I have to admit that it is a blessing, and sometimes a curse to reach this degree of hypersensitivity, or should I say anxiety, that simultaneously engages part of your brain, while paralyzing the other: it feels unstable and a bit exhilarating, like a first kiss.

I can confidently say that music had an immense influence on my life. Although I grew up listening different genres, I’d admit that along with Bossa/Samba, Black American music like RnB and Jazz hold a very special place in my soul. D’Angelo dropped Brown Sugar on my first year of high school: little did I know that, from then on I would never be able to ever think straight again. I have search for solace in the words of Erykah and Jill, and approached life, especially my romantic relationships as if they somehow had to fit a specific soundtrack. Now picture what type of hormones sprinkled cocktail Molotov you have to deal with when that type of fiction collides with reality.

I will forever #BlameItOnMaxwell for those times when, laying on the floor, I waited for the cops to come knocking, and thanks Janet for me not caring about who is around. It took me years to realize that, at times, the music set expectations which prevented me from experiencing my version of life to its fullest, as I desperately wanted to fill the gap left in between. Other time, Music colorfully highlighted days that might have been otherwise bland and lifeless; at least for me.

Looking back and being wiser, I am grateful that I was – and still am – privilege enough to be exposed to such a rich musical life. It makes me a better artist and definitely human being, as now I am writing my own soundtrack and share it. Who knows maybe someone is listening…

#BlameItOnMaxwell.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#AreYouYou?

 


Every once in a while there is a slight shift, some sort of spiritual awakening.

Then, one day as you open your eyes, you realize you have been catering to a certain ideal, specific expectations that somehow were not necessarily aligned with your inner self. Deep down you might* have known all along that something was quite peculiar…

We are taught to be “good”, sage comme une image (well-behaved, like a still picture, a photograph) and that if we’d step/act out we’d be labeled as rebel, and possibly ostracized. It is in some ways fundamental to learn these boundaries in order to understand how The System works, so you can recognize when it is on the move (to get you).

Unfortunately, some of us, after being so perfectly conditioned are too far along into standardization to even realize how constrained we are, unaware of our lack of Freedom. Others, although recognizing their limitations, will forever be doomed to wander in limbo, paralyzed by fear.

So are we really who we are meant to be?

Are we on the pack of awakening? 

Or maybe I am just overthinking, taking myself way too seriously, failing to realize that I am just another collection of ingeniously arranged carbon atoms surpassed by the complexity of her soul.

#AreYouYou?


©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#NeverEnough?

I never feel like I’m enough. I used to be an avid reader growing up and although I still read regularly there are so many others books to be read, so many authors I don’t even know about.

I graduated last September. My studies were as challenging than rewarding and I am so grateful I have learnt so much. I belong to the “privileged”; it also made me realize how little I know about virtually every topic I can think of.

I admire eloquence and wit of those consistent souls who have goals and reach them. I, myself, am well intentioned and constantly plan ahead, “list” in an attempt to get things done and better myself— and fall [so] short.

I know that hard work is #always rewarded, eventually, that repetition bring us closer to “perfection” and one can do everything they put their my mind to, yet I easily get overwhelmed and systematically experience staggering stage fright. I resent judgment so much that I hide my weaknesses with assurance and stare at my fears right in the eyes without ever turning my back as I’m afraid it would stab me.

Can it be that there are too many books to read, or too much knowledge available to be versed in all of them? Definitely so!!!! I should see this as a quality: it forces me to do better. So why do I never feel like I am enough? Why are these wicked insecurities crawling under my feet and meddling through the cracks [any cracks] show up at the most inopportune times? I guess that no matter how prepared I think I am I should make peace with it and get used to it. Meanwhile, the struggle continues…

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#InBecomingTheWomanIWasAlwaysMeantToBe

Life is challenging. No kidding.

Constantly remind myself to be thankful for all the blessings in my life does not make me not complain about what things could be if I had spent more time focusing on things I really wanted.

“Make it happen” they say. But is it that easy? There is a plethora of things that excite me.

First and foremost, music. I love to sing, write and compose, but never really share, being overly critical of my abilities. I also love science and engineering, and have been thinking for a few months about exploring these new horizons, but have to think on the implication of going back to school on my personal and financial life. Finally, I have been writing this novel… I am still on the first page tho, hahahaha. Sci-fi— I feel I need a stronger plot tho. to be continued.

Maybe I just need to start things… *shift of consciousness*

I plan on 2015 to be the woman I was always meant to be. Looking passed judgements, focus on my goals, plan strategically and act.

Wish me luck.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

How do I deal with certain things as a Self-Declared Woman oF Rich Ethnical and Cultural Background (WRECB)

Disclaimer: my ideas and opinions are subjected to change as I go through this beautiful thing we call life. You can help me shape my ideas by commenting and sharing your own perspective, as long as it is done in a respectful manner. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

IMG_0211These past few days I have had interesting interactions with friends about gender and race discrimination, and I came into a few conclusions of my own.

Let me first tell you a little about me: I believe race and gender are of social construct. I was socialized as a typical “white girl”. My mother’s family is French of Italian descent, and I grew up among them; therefore, for the first part of my life: I was oblivious of many things related to race/ethnicity. Of course, I saw there were different types of people, from different continents, but I didn’t think that their differences transcended their physical appearances: some had straight hair, other curly, black skin, or blue eyes, etc… Most importantly, I was not aware of the concept that certain minorities could be discriminated against, and definitely didn’t recognize it could somehow affect (or rather was affecting) my life.

Things started to unravel later when my consciousness and common sense clashed in a sort of disbelief, then climaxed in high school where I finally met a bunch of people from different places, and who had lots of (preconceived) ideas, about lots of things, not unlike the people I had grown up with, amusingly… This lead me, over the years, not only to educated myself about these issues that pertained to my own identity and others, but also listen attentively and reflect on my own experiences as a Woman of a Rich Ethnical and Cultural Background (WRECB).

This social experiment led me to a few conclusions of my own:

Discriminations do exist, that is why it is important to be aware of them; but if you keep looking at something you will always find it: you can read into as such even, when there is nothing.

For instance, if you’re on the road and you see a hole on the ground, upon acknowledging it, you have a few choices:

  • You could stop and complain how people are negligent, and how they don’t care about other’s safety, and on and on, and on… making a lot of noise, and not really doing much about it.
  • You could maneuver around it, minding your own business
  • You could contact the authorities, so the problem is addressed, and someone will eventually fix it
  • Or even better, get some cement and fill the opening, preventing accidents from happening.

You might also not know what a hole is, either because you have not been exposed or nobody knew about it, or everybody else had special shoes that protected them from falling. It might take a few fall and hurt before realizing what it is and now be aware.

These examples are pretty straight forward, and if you didn’t get it, I am just encouraging you raise awareness and pro-activity, if anything.

I feel blessed I was able to learn (the hard way), and I ended up realizing that most of these roads I was (am) strolling had already been paved before me. In the process of discovering, I blamed others and denounced their lack of sympathy and/or compassion, I avoided tackling issues enabling, as a result, certain behaviors around me, I have tried to get helped from others, and I have also been proactive. From experience, the last two have been the most effective.

Bottom line, it is human to feel negatively drained by injustices. But the real question is: what are you going to do about it? How do you face challenges?

Disclaimer: my ideas and opinions are subjected to change as I go through this beautiful thing we call life. You can help me shape my ideas by commenting and sharing your own perspective, as long as it is done in a respectful manner. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2014

#tbt

20140626-100105-36065181.jpg

My hair was too wild and my skin too brown – so they said.

I wished my hair was straight and long and my eyes clear as the sea, so they’d like me. I wanted color lenses so badly so I could be pretty [too].

It was hard, not being acknowledged in so many ways.

But I knew was that I was kinda smart: I always had the best grades, and it came easy. I liked school and was interested in all sorts of things! It’s not like I had a social life anyway.

Racism was rampant, and I was called names many times at school. At home, it was more subtle, at time. I was not directly attacked; but those who looked like me were vilified; and when I experienced distress and spoke out, I was told it was “in my head”.

Over the years, somehow, things have changed, have evolved, even if we still have a lot to accomplish.

I am glad today because I have learnt to let go bitterness; I am, however, very aware of people’s behavior and understand those who don’t understand. How could they?

It takes extra effort and sympathy to “get it”.

It takes courage to walk in my shoes for at least a couple of miles.

It takes strength to accept life is not always as in the movies.

It takes humility not to judge.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2014