On the Way to Oz || Original Tune Exploring Mental Health Breakdown and Recovery

with my Ukulele in Central Park – Pics taken by my sister Roxane

“On the way to Oz” deals with how familial and societal pressure contributes to mental health breakdown – and the role of community and empathy into the road of recovery.

Live version of “On the Way to Oz” – Daphné Mia Essiet © All rights reserved.

Lyrics:

There are places we’ll never let ourself go

And to cope we drink, take drugs, have sex, and scroll 

Up and down until we numb ourselves so cold, so cold 

We pretend to enjoy things we don’t care for

And to cope we tell the world how much it cost, 

And we post until we numb ourselves so cold, so cold

Then one day, the chasm between our heart 

And the reality is so wide we can’t breathe

Then one day the pain we subject our soul

chatters our sanity way too deep 

Some believe that money will quiet their wounds 

When in fact it emphasizes their own flaws

And to cope they wander aimlessly 

in virtual reality 

We keep at it despite red flags and the signs 

Trick ourselves into contortionning our mind

Fool ur friends and hide in plain sight

Til we no longer can lie

Then one day, the chasm between our heart 

And the reality is so wide we can’t breathe

Then one day the pain we subject our soul

chatters our sanity way too deep 

There’s a way to get back t yourself

It’s not easy but

You gotta let it go

And if you want

We can hold each other’s hand

On the yellow brick road

On our way to Oz

And if you want

We can hold each other’s hand

On the yellow brick road

On our way to Oz

You can download a version on my soundcloud

Daphné Mia Essiet © All rights reserved.

https://linktr.ee/daphnemiaessiet

#ForAllIntentsAndPurposes

I am thrilled by the thought
Of getting closer
To You
Even tho
#ForAllIntentsAndPurposes
Distance is best

I am thrilled by the thought
Of addressing
You
Even tho
#ForAllIntentsAndPurposes
Silence is best

I am thrilled by the thought
Of sharing fluids
With You
Even tho
#ForAllIntentsAndPurposes
Virtuality is best

I am thrilled
By early morning thoughts
Of You
Warmly rushing through me
Soft and easy

It does the trick
#ForAllIntentsAndPurposes

©️ Daphné Mia Essiet, 2018

#Blessed

Even tho I may project
My own fears and biases
I am #blessed and fulfilled
Regardless of how I feel

Into my sometimes
blurry lenses I
Get pushed and pulled back
Before my own eyes

All I need is a shift
A bit of perspective
For my hopes and my dreams
To ever become clear

Then promplty energized
Open heart, Spirit High
I give Joy another Chance
And Love in again

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2018

#JustPlantingSeeds

“We accept the Love we think we deserve”

If you are wondering
If it’s not the moon and the stars
If this made you think
If you feel some type of way
You probably deserve more

#JustPlantingSeeds

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2018

#MergingIntoMyself

I long to be Free.
Free from my fears.

Free from the imaginary boundaries I inflicted mySelf.
I long to be mySelf.
The woman I’ve always meant to be. Phenomenal woman, that’s Me.

The one who will own her flaws and recognize them as the most enticing part of who she is. The one who will appreciate them the way they deserve to be.

I long to be aware.
Aware of Reality

Fully aware of the Love I’ve been the recipient all along. That Love that has been kept away from my heart by the fear of being rejected.

Everyday, I look at mySelf.
Everyday, I’m one step closer.
Everyday, I am grateful of the joys and the pains and the hardships I’ve been subjected to.

I’m emerging and

#MergingIntoMySelf

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#AboutStraightForwardness

I left room for warmth. Your Warmth. But you took too long to say what you meant, beat around the bush like a wild man, so randomness settled in… and settled down.

Back to square one.

The spot, (cozy, I might add), is taken for now and you will have to entertain… entertain my soul, spirit and senses, again, for their attention span is inversely proportional to your alertness.

Nudge…

#StraighForwardNess is Always the best policy in the matter of the heart. Of course the delivery must be Impeccable as it is what sets the tone (usually) for what’s to follow; however, all should be said. All could be said. All MUST be said… indeed…

Am I willing to wait until you get it? Who knows? Fast forward… Will you get it the next time you see me hand in hand with the one who got it… straight?

Pick my attention, now. Or live and learn for your next stunning encounter with potential Bliss.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#OverthinkingThangs

I am easily drifting towards the depth of the chiaroscuro
This in between state where things never really feel comfortable;
This place where we tippy toe so to not disturb the still of the Universe around us.

My mind wanders as I get amazed about the grooves of the trees trunk,
The softness of the grass and the intricacy of our thought processes:

I obsessively ponder how the sun’s energy travels through space to purposely act upon everything it touches.

I’m aware that everything is connected and how we are all part of keeping the world homeostasis going on.

I understand how catalysts speed up processes which, would only unfold at minimal rate if not for them.

I constantly think about the past… and future… and how it intensely reflects and shapes The Now – “The Now” we so profoundly experience with every inch of our consciousness, that we want it or not.

And, then, still, we wait.
We (Me, Myseld and I) patiently wait for Love to weave in between two breaths
& potently intoxicate our senses (again).

Until that time… I’ll be

#OverthinkingThangs

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#InLimbo

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The way you talked to me makes it hard. It makes it hard to get involved with someone.

What used to be easy became complicated.

You declared you did not expect a thing, but would give me the world… #IfILetYou.
You affirmed someone will always love me. #Unconditionally. That it’s written all over me.
You whispered *that someone* will kiss the ground I walk on, hold my hand and rub my feet. #Gladly.

You raised the bar so high I’m afraid to look up.
You raised the bar so high, I’m afraid to look down.

What was easy became complicated; yet, the mountains to climb are conducive to #delectation.

And even if these words turn out to be lies, I doubt the damage can be undone: cause you made a believer out of me.

#InLimbo #ABeliever

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#ADayInALife


It’s amazing the difference one day can make:

You wake up feeling horrible, you lay down at night peaceful and collected.

I’m so drastic and so impatient and so easily overwhelmed. Cause that’s who I am.

Eventually, things swiftly slide into place as soon as I get into the right groove and feel comfortable; things swiftly slide back into place and it feels damn good. Those “things” I had forgotten, resurfaced and make it hard to ever forget again…

Shit….

#LovelySummer #oozing

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#BarkingUpTheWrongTree

La goutte d’eau qui fait déborder le vase” is a French idiomatic expression, which literally means “the drop of water that has made the vase overflown”. I guess this could be translated in English by the straw that broke the camel’s back, although the accuracy of the French saying pertains much better to my situation. But anyway, this was the first thing that came to my mind this morning after someone’s small and sweet gesture made me reevaluate the way I had lately been handling certain situations.

I firmly believe that every single person touching our life from close or from afar has a specific purpose. This purpose might be obvious or it might not be; however, it is ALWAYS life altering as it guides and influences you through different paths, doors and ultimately helps you experience a meaning-full life.

Furthermore, let’s put it out there: the Universe does not make any mistakes; she has been doing this ish* for a while now and it does not matter what you think you really want; I know you really really want it, and it seems like this is IT – but you are confused; what you want is irrelevant because as the caring and loving entity she is, she will only give you what you NEED.

And in a near or distant future, you’ll see that obviously, at the time, you were barking up the wrong tree. So, It is up to us to do it her way or the hard way.

Sometimes you just need to let the water overflow and #TrustTheProcess.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#OnLoveAndLustAndEverythingInBetween (Part2)

I can honestly say that these past couple of weeks I fell in lust again. With myself.

It is odd when you finally realize that your flaws are what make you special, that the imperfections add un je ne sais quoi to the craft: you mature into a butterfly.

By discovering your Power as a woman you declare yourself to the world and this is the most beautiful thing that can happen to you, and those around you: it makes us confident; and being confident not only alters the way you perceive yourself: It changes everything.

By discovering your Power as a woman you completely shift the Energies as you enter the room; it is a powerful tide shambling strangers’ blood… it is enlivening for those who are watching (You included).

Once your eyes are open to the universe realities, there is no coming back; however, be aware that your light will scare away those who benefited from your previous blindness, so don’t let them dim your light, rain on your parade!

Keep radiating, embracing your true self and encourage your sisters around you to do the same.

On the verge of my 35th birthday, I finally grasp It, and I don’t think I will ever let it go…

#OnLoveAndLustAndEverythingInBetween

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#WhenInDoubt

I think it is best to inquire before too hastily jumping to conclusions and in the process damage any type of friendships. In the past, I have too many times did or say things that have altered my confidence and hurt  the relationships with people who were very close to me.

Lately, I have found a way to clear my head: I write down my thoughts and often ask the universe to give me what I want. Of course, She is the boss and knows what’s best for me, so if it is right – she is providing.

It allows me to approach life with a different perspective and procures me with a sense of calm I don’t remember experiencing before: my only job now is to be honest with others and myself and when faced with love, rejection or indifference, I know that, in the long run the process She should be trusted. That is when, eventually, doubts and hesitations will manifest less often.

We all have a purpose, and I feel that the more we apply pressure on life the hardest is to find our calling on time to fulfill the latter. I feel I am just right where I am to be. No doubt here.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#ShortUpdate

For the past month I have been sleep deprived and expectedly it has clouded my judgment and nudged my inner balance; and because of all the life changing events presently occurring it has been challenging.

Although I am still experiencing anxiety, and I am extremely tired, these past couple of days I felt a deep calm within me. Months ago I asked the Universe for a few things, I actually wrote them down, and amazingly enough, they are becoming reality. I am not a religious person, but I believe in homeostasis, some call it Karma and how– we, as part of the universe – have an amazing untapped power.

As things are falling into place pretty awesomely, (just like I had asked the universe) I wanted to share with you a non-exhaustive list I believe helped me to make my desires concrete:

  1. Be as specific and intentional as you can be – if it is what you really want (months, date, names, locations…), do not live room for doubt, and be ready to receive.
  2. Be cautious of what you are asking for because it will materialize; however,
  3. do not be afraid.
  4. Be grateful and share your story as inspiration, but keep it for those who asked for it.
  5. Keep unsolicited advice for yourself.

So that is it for this short update… Until next time

#ShortUpdate

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

Daphné 2.0

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Life is complex. But does it have to be?

I have a hard time to find a balance between straightforwardness, which can sound harsh (and make people feel uncomfortable), and sugarcoating my words. I really admire and look up to those who can confidently manage both qualities simultaneously, without sounding passive-aggressive.

Although I grew a lot as an individual these past couple of years and I am still in the process of becoming the woman I have always meant to be, I still struggle with these two, and feel as I still have a long way to go.

Over the years I have evolved: I used to be fearless and opinionated, then I became afraid and perplexed about the world. I *toned down* which is not necessarily a bad thing, I guess, yet I had become so subdued that the day of my shift of consciousness those around who had never really experienced me that way were rather surprised, to say the least… It is their life tho, they need to deal with that *ish on their own time; Long story short: I understand the rules a little better and somehow have the self-restrain I lacked in the past (allegedly); needless to say that I am better version of my former self.

July 2015 has been so far one of the most stressful month this year, which is ok, as I tend to perform best during highly challenging times. I just hope I will get the chance to exhale, because I have been waiting to do so for quite some time now. *I feel like it is coming*.

Life is complex. But does it have to be? I guess it does, until you finally accept your boundlessness.

Currently loading… Daphné 2.0

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#IfGodExists

#IfGodExists
She won’t mind me questioning her existence.

#IfGodExists
She is waiting on my next move.

#IfGodExists
She is unapologetically fierce and beautifully honest.

#IfGodExists
She loves purposely and accepts unconditionally.
 
She forgives and understands.
She accordingly provides.
She never doubts and she believes.
She judges not and always allows me to wonder if God exists.

#IfGodExists

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#ThePowerOfSymmetry

I was called beautiful twice in the space of a week.

It came from two different individuals, and under two very different circumstances:

The first time was sweetly whispered and unexpected in that way, definitely validating. It warmed every inches of my body. I *think* it was genuine and I greeted the compliment by a thank you. I understood the process: these words had come through special lenses, visual cues and other senses that transcended physicality.

The second time, was different. It was almost if, I were to blame for it. Hostile encounter where I had to explain how uncomfortable it could make me feel to be described as such.

It is indeed complicated: I do think that I fit a certain standard of attractiveness, which means that depending on which angle you are coming from, I may (or may not) look enticing. I am not meant to move everybody, (like Ruby Rose, what a relief) and I am at peace with that.

I acknowledge the power of symmetry, biologically – as our body’s survival instinct, strongly reacts, at a chemical level, to those who might be a compatible match to produce healthy offspring. Of course, there are many other factors involved in “choosing” and “picking” but I am starting to wonder how much free will we have when it comes to that type of things. How much, if we stick to a primitive approach, can we deny the power of symmetry?

Well, I can only talk for myself when I say that I view it as a potent force, a catalyst for relationships and all the things in between.

I was called beautiful twice in the space of a week. Actually, it happened a third time between when I started to write and finished this post. I don’t really know why things happen the way they do, and maybe never will, but I know that in the end it will all make sense.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#Catharsis

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#LivingMyLifeLikeItsGolden
 

Magic occurs when you stop judging yourself,
When you allow your flaws to be seen
Vulnerability to exist.

Shame will hinder Everything.
Paralyze you to your core,
Cut the grass under your feet:
Don’t let it have the last word.

I was born Free-Spirited
But that spirit was stolen by boundaries and conventions.
I was born unchained
But was taught that I should wear shackles so I could fit in.

Today I woke up crying
but my tears were cathartic:
I have been lying to the world,
I have been lying to mySelf.

But the Universe knows
And She has forgiven.

Who am I, not to grant Her wish?

& I forgave mySelf too, so to let Magic happen.

#Catharsis

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#AboutPatience

#AboutPatience

Every time I felt challenged, I got extremely overwhelmed. Although my life might appear unorthodox for some people, I have been living very comfortable and cautious existence. Here’s the problem: nobody has ever reached the sky by being safe, and the sky is all I’ve been longing for.

I’ve been meaning to explore this one precious gift of a life to its fullest, but was from early infused with fears and doubts. Having a strong support system is really a blessing, I think, even if some succeed without.

I claim that I am aware of my privileges, yet I can’t help but complaining about things that I can easily change, or rather, things I think I can easily change, as if, maybe, there were forces that are stronger than we might admit. As if, even with all the purpose in the world, there were energies that are way more potent that we want to give them credit for.

I have this strong belief that in the end it will all make sense. It is how I am able to get up every day and keep going, despite the headaches, the heartaches, disappointments and the shame.

Meanwhile, I am being patient.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015