On Doing What’s Right

Art by Daphné Essiet (myself – Check my IG)

Two people can do or react similarly for different reasons. Two people can do and react differently for the same reason.

Read that again.

It’s hard to tell which is which for many reasons. One: we project – we tend to empathize more with those who look like us or we relate to. We automatically side their way – the one we feel safest.

Two: conditioning. In order to survive, humans instinctively form groups and rely on patterns to know what’s safe or not; we follow the rules so we keep within the group. Unfortunately, these patterns, although accepted as facts, don’t always hold truth. That’s why it is important to understand who controls the narrative.

Three: we make mistakes. Our ego has a hard time admitting it could be wrong because it makes us uncomfortable – then, lacking comfort for too long leads to change and heighten humility. Our ego ain’t having that.

I won’t necessarily blame those who won’t challenge the status quo or « pretend » to be someone they aren’t so to be accepted, praised, liked, get liked. I can’t be mad at someone trying to do their best so they can « fit ». Been there, done that.

Honestly, I think a lot of people don’t even really know who they are, or what they like because they never really question whether they enjoy what they do or was done out of habit.

Authenticity brings alignment – that’s the type of feeling we are longing for. It takes courage to reveal your true self . Itv also comes with a territory filled with vehement hate, fueled by fear of being left behind.

Ultimately, I believe it can be really challenging to be who you truly are for some people, simply because being accepted is fundamental to our survival as a species and in order to do so, we have to comply with certain standards rooted into some sort of privilege. It’s fair to consider the reasons we have at hand to understand why people behave the way they do so we can respond in a more informed way. It is not about being right or wrong, it is about doing what is right and consider everyone’s humanity.

On the Way to Oz || Original Tune Exploring Mental Health Breakdown and Recovery

with my Ukulele in Central Park – Pics taken by my sister Roxane

“On the way to Oz” deals with how familial and societal pressure contributes to mental health breakdown – and the role of community and empathy into the road of recovery.

Live version of “On the Way to Oz” – Daphné Mia Essiet © All rights reserved.

Lyrics:

There are places we’ll never let ourself go

And to cope we drink, take drugs, have sex, and scroll 

Up and down until we numb ourselves so cold, so cold 

We pretend to enjoy things we don’t care for

And to cope we tell the world how much it cost, 

And we post until we numb ourselves so cold, so cold

Then one day, the chasm between our heart 

And the reality is so wide we can’t breathe

Then one day the pain we subject our soul

chatters our sanity way too deep 

Some believe that money will quiet their wounds 

When in fact it emphasizes their own flaws

And to cope they wander aimlessly 

in virtual reality 

We keep at it despite red flags and the signs 

Trick ourselves into contortionning our mind

Fool ur friends and hide in plain sight

Til we no longer can lie

Then one day, the chasm between our heart 

And the reality is so wide we can’t breathe

Then one day the pain we subject our soul

chatters our sanity way too deep 

There’s a way to get back t yourself

It’s not easy but

You gotta let it go

And if you want

We can hold each other’s hand

On the yellow brick road

On our way to Oz

And if you want

We can hold each other’s hand

On the yellow brick road

On our way to Oz

You can download a version on my soundcloud

Daphné Mia Essiet © All rights reserved.

https://linktr.ee/daphnemiaessiet

#ForAllIntentsAndPurposes

I am thrilled by the thought
Of getting closer
To You
Even tho
#ForAllIntentsAndPurposes
Distance is best

I am thrilled by the thought
Of addressing
You
Even tho
#ForAllIntentsAndPurposes
Silence is best

I am thrilled by the thought
Of sharing fluids
With You
Even tho
#ForAllIntentsAndPurposes
Virtuality is best

I am thrilled
By early morning thoughts
Of You
Warmly rushing through me
Soft and easy

It does the trick
#ForAllIntentsAndPurposes

©️ Daphné Mia Essiet, 2018

#Blessed

Even tho I may project
My own fears and biases
I am #blessed and fulfilled
Regardless of how I feel

Into my sometimes
blurry lenses I
Get pushed and pulled back
Before my own eyes

All I need is a shift
A bit of perspective
For my hopes and my dreams
To ever become clear

Then promplty energized
Open heart, Spirit High
I give Joy another Chance
And Love in again

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2018

#JustPlantingSeeds

“We accept the Love we think we deserve”

If you are wondering
If it’s not the moon and the stars
If this made you think
If you feel some type of way
You probably deserve more

#JustPlantingSeeds

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2018

#Momentum

Shit’s complicated- but here we are: making the best of it.

Beating the odds
Breaking records we never knew existed
Yet, too often living with restraint
Tipi toeing around fragile egos.

Their subconsciously know that the Power sipping through our pores must
meticulously get washed away by judgement
& ever so slightly policed, err’day
With diligence – to prevent Impetus to propels us so Fast & Furiously

As our brightness will challenge Black Holes –
And more.

#Momentum

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2018

#OnGrowing

Did we grew apart
Or never were aligned?
Were we ever asking the right questions?

Attempting to ascertain causes
For future references.

I can’t afford emotionally taxing relationships no more and won’t subject myself to unnecessary burden

I now value my time, health and soul too much to stretch anymore of it

I regret I dragged us that long
Pretended I was ok
Pretending we were ok
But in some twisted ways
I thought we’d come around.

Wait.
Who am I fooling?
I stuck around cause it was easier than to face the collateral damages

Wasted our time out of fear
But can no longer hold onto
this noxious bond.
With myself or with you.

#OnGrowing

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2018

#JustDont


Appearances are somehow misleading.

Most times… What seems great, perfect, enticing, greener on the other side… Is in fact completely rotten.

Somehow, the smell does not bother your asepticized noses, probably because you have been acclimatized to it. Little by little. One passive aggressiveness after the other. F*** That.

Somehow, you feel uncomfortable but you DO NOT want to trust your gut. F*** That.

Don’t let your insecurities get the best of your happiness. Be who you are meant to be and have as much freedom as you can possibly attain being who you are. Don’t let others’ bullshit mess with your spirit, your soul, your aura. F*** that, F*** them.

Remember: you only live once in that body of yours, and who knows who/what you’ll be next lifetime. Enjoy the Freedom you have been granted this time around.

Love like you give a  damn; kiss often (the French way and don’t apologize for it); hug everyday and inspire others by being the best version you claim to be.

Appearances are somehow misleading. Most times… What seems great, perfect, enticing, greener on the other side – just ain’t.. Trust me! Don’t let mofos rain on your parade. #JustDont

With Love.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2016

#SmallTalk

In any capacity, the type of bonding(s) we are able to generate makes all the difference. From atoms to people, it undoubtedly dictates its architecture, in terms of aesthetics and functionality, hence the strength and length of any relationships.

About #SmallTalk… I recently realized that I really- really – really despise it. I do tolerate a 20-80 ratio, but too much rambling usually bruises my aura and hurts my soul…

Interestingly enough, for a long time, I was unable to pinpoint the reasons why I’d find some people so enticing and others bland. For a long time, I was incapable to tangibly grasp why strong bonds [or lack thereof] were to form between me and [InsertHere] strangers/acquaintances/friends/family members/lovers. Curiosity being my middle name, (I’m an enquirer) as well as my being feisty, newness has always ignited my cravings for debates, arguments and french kissing beautiful lips. (Not necessarily in that order)

I’m passionate about *understanding processes* on how worlds revolve.
I’m passionate about voicing my he[art].
I’m passionate about deep diving.

Isn’t tasting each other souls a potent way to bond?
Isn’t experiencing different flavors an interesting way to discover the depths of our inner-selves?
How else could we, as spiritual entities, blend and connect at a deeper level if not for a genuine desire for comprehension?

Too much #SmallTalk, this tue-l’amour, this charade of word collection – is most definitely lethal to meaningful relationships.

In any capacity, the type(s) of bonding we are able to generates makes all the difference.

Maybe not for everyone… But it does, for me.

#SmallTalk

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2016

#AtTime

#AtTime, there is a definite disconnect between the person I know I am, and the way I feel about myself. Let me reiterate: I get insecure. #AtTime.

But I am not completely sure why.

Pragmatically, I have nothing to complain about, I guess… Of course there will always be a Better-Looking-Smarter-Tighter-Booty-More-Accomplished-Talented-Perfect-Skin-Perfect-Teeth-Perfect-Fro-Perfect-Diet-Goes-To-The-Gym-On-A-Regular-Basis-Drinks-One-Gallon-Of-Water-A-Day-Has-That-Flawless-Fashion-Sense-Eloquent-Just-Got-Her-PHD-Chick, ya know… you feel kinda inadequate around, #AtTime – you know…

But, aren’t flaws what makes us who we are, what differentiates ourselves, what makes us interestingly unique? Right? right…

So how come, if I’m aware of all those blessings, my Blessings, do I feel that way, #AtTime?

I guess, I feel that way so I can really appreciate those other times… Those times when, as I enter the realm of enclose parameter – the air pressure drops, and I become aware of my status; those times when, the temperature instantly rises and the beat of the drums – in unison – emerges from the depth of the (h)earth.

But this is not today.
Maybe tomorrow?

#AtTime

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#MergingIntoMyself

I long to be Free.
Free from my fears.

Free from the imaginary boundaries I inflicted mySelf.
I long to be mySelf.
The woman I’ve always meant to be. Phenomenal woman, that’s Me.

The one who will own her flaws and recognize them as the most enticing part of who she is. The one who will appreciate them the way they deserve to be.

I long to be aware.
Aware of Reality

Fully aware of the Love I’ve been the recipient all along. That Love that has been kept away from my heart by the fear of being rejected.

Everyday, I look at mySelf.
Everyday, I’m one step closer.
Everyday, I am grateful of the joys and the pains and the hardships I’ve been subjected to.

I’m emerging and

#MergingIntoMySelf

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#AboutStraightForwardness

I left room for warmth. Your Warmth. But you took too long to say what you meant, beat around the bush like a wild man, so randomness settled in… and settled down.

Back to square one.

The spot, (cozy, I might add), is taken for now and you will have to entertain… entertain my soul, spirit and senses, again, for their attention span is inversely proportional to your alertness.

Nudge…

#StraighForwardNess is Always the best policy in the matter of the heart. Of course the delivery must be Impeccable as it is what sets the tone (usually) for what’s to follow; however, all should be said. All could be said. All MUST be said… indeed…

Am I willing to wait until you get it? Who knows? Fast forward… Will you get it the next time you see me hand in hand with the one who got it… straight?

Pick my attention, now. Or live and learn for your next stunning encounter with potential Bliss.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#OverthinkingThangs

I am easily drifting towards the depth of the chiaroscuro
This in between state where things never really feel comfortable;
This place where we tippy toe so to not disturb the still of the Universe around us.

My mind wanders as I get amazed about the grooves of the trees trunk,
The softness of the grass and the intricacy of our thought processes:

I obsessively ponder how the sun’s energy travels through space to purposely act upon everything it touches.

I’m aware that everything is connected and how we are all part of keeping the world homeostasis going on.

I understand how catalysts speed up processes which, would only unfold at minimal rate if not for them.

I constantly think about the past… and future… and how it intensely reflects and shapes The Now – “The Now” we so profoundly experience with every inch of our consciousness, that we want it or not.

And, then, still, we wait.
We (Me, Myseld and I) patiently wait for Love to weave in between two breaths
& potently intoxicate our senses (again).

Until that time… I’ll be

#OverthinkingThangs

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#LifeBitsFallingIntoPlace


Isn’t it interesting how life can change so drastically in the space of a few months? How one year you are planning for future tense with someone and the next year you are just here, starting *fresh* cause there is literally nothing left but old pictures and fading memories.
You wonder what’s next cause you are stuck, in a sense… not physically, but spiritually, which is never a good thing. It’s certainly temporary (at least let’s hope), and you need to make some adjustments.

That’s also when *Friends* start moving differently around you cause your status changed. Some disappear cause they took his side, other are distant cause they don’t see you for who you really are; of course there are those who stick around, but somehow there is always a bit of judgement cause they assess the situation from an outsider standpoint. Seldom people come and hug you and tell you “everything is going to be ok”, when you are the one who leaves.

Matter of fact, I often wonder how different from who I really am people perceive me. Every time I am true to myself things seems like they get out of control. But maybe what I see as chaos are #LifeBitsFallingIntoPlace?

I do trust the process and I know the universe is looking after me; nonetheless, it does not mean I am immune to the pain and sorrow breakups carry.

Then life goes on, so future will mend the bruises and close the open wounds. All in time…

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#OnLustAndLoveAndEverythingInBetween (part3)

In logic and probability theory, two propositions (or events) are mutually exclusive or disjoint if they cannot both be true (occur).

Shall we treat Lust and Love as two distinct functions evolving in two separate systems? How both those states relate to Happiness? It sounds concurrently simple and complicated, hence the trickiness.

In a nutshell, there is the Lust and there is the Love… and for majority of my adult life I somehow misconceived their respective meanings as well as mishandled their applications. As these two ever-overlapping “concepts” wildly encompass a range of compelling feelings, and because they (may) relate and (may) interact with one another so closely, it would be difficult for me to comprehend them fully, or even partially – for that matter; however, I feel that today, I took one step away from my initial cluelessness.

It seems as Lust and Love feed into each others’ narrative. It seems as they share a common purpose.

Lust is straightforward, Lust is simple, and there is basically little that can be done about it: Lust assess how chemically compatible we are to someone, and how healthy would an eventual offspring be. Plain and simple and pragmatic. *Lust* solely relies on efficiency.

Love is intricate, Love is sophisticated, and may or may not stem from Lust, but regardless where it originates, is build from the ground up. Love is potent and there is basically little that can be done about it. Love allows discrepancies to be efficiently taken care of – in case something goes down – aka imbalanced chemical compatibility. Love relies on the problem solving skills our elaborated brain cultivated, a defense mechanism we developed over time, for survival.

Lust and Love appear to be chemically induced for our species lastingness. They started mutually exclusive, and merged, inclusively, “byproducing” happiness.

So what if, what we have been lead to believe all along was flawed? What if happiness, as a purpose, was an illusion we created to rationalize our urges when in fact this is nothing but a bundle of chemical reactions… Not to say that a delusional state does not perfectly fit my desires, as this so called state is “inherent” to my human condition, and hence there is basically little that can be done about it;

Today, this right here makes total sense to me and ergo allows my soul to be soothed, and my heart to cope with whatever concerns is clouding my inner thoughts.

So, for what it’s worth, in a (my) perfect world, I will from now on use my brain to ponder if the situation is conducive to what matters most; I will, for now on, use my brain to estimate how a context can generate its highest yield of Long Term Happiness – for the latter turns out to be a convolution integrating a customizable blend of Lust and Love, and everything in between.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#InLimbo

IMG_6290

The way you talked to me makes it hard. It makes it hard to get involved with someone.

What used to be easy became complicated.

You declared you did not expect a thing, but would give me the world… #IfILetYou.
You affirmed someone will always love me. #Unconditionally. That it’s written all over me.
You whispered *that someone* will kiss the ground I walk on, hold my hand and rub my feet. #Gladly.

You raised the bar so high I’m afraid to look up.
You raised the bar so high, I’m afraid to look down.

What was easy became complicated; yet, the mountains to climb are conducive to #delectation.

And even if these words turn out to be lies, I doubt the damage can be undone: cause you made a believer out of me.

#InLimbo #ABeliever

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015