#Blessed

Even tho I may project
My own fears and biases
I am #blessed and fulfilled
Regardless of how I feel

Into my sometimes
blurry lenses I
Get pushed and pulled back
Before my own eyes

All I need is a shift
A bit of perspective
For my hopes and my dreams
To ever become clear

Then promplty energized
Open heart, Spirit High
I give Joy another Chance
And Love in again

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2018

#JustPlantingSeeds

“We accept the Love we think we deserve”

If you are wondering
If it’s not the moon and the stars
If this made you think
If you feel some type of way
You probably deserve more

#JustPlantingSeeds

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2018

#AtTime

#AtTime, there is a definite disconnect between the person I know I am, and the way I feel about myself. Let me reiterate: I get insecure. #AtTime.

But I am not completely sure why.

Pragmatically, I have nothing to complain about, I guess… Of course there will always be a Better-Looking-Smarter-Tighter-Booty-More-Accomplished-Talented-Perfect-Skin-Perfect-Teeth-Perfect-Fro-Perfect-Diet-Goes-To-The-Gym-On-A-Regular-Basis-Drinks-One-Gallon-Of-Water-A-Day-Has-That-Flawless-Fashion-Sense-Eloquent-Just-Got-Her-PHD-Chick, ya know… you feel kinda inadequate around, #AtTime – you know…

But, aren’t flaws what makes us who we are, what differentiates ourselves, what makes us interestingly unique? Right? right…

So how come, if I’m aware of all those blessings, my Blessings, do I feel that way, #AtTime?

I guess, I feel that way so I can really appreciate those other times… Those times when, as I enter the realm of enclose parameter – the air pressure drops, and I become aware of my status; those times when, the temperature instantly rises and the beat of the drums – in unison – emerges from the depth of the (h)earth.

But this is not today.
Maybe tomorrow?

#AtTime

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#LifeBitsFallingIntoPlace


Isn’t it interesting how life can change so drastically in the space of a few months? How one year you are planning for future tense with someone and the next year you are just here, starting *fresh* cause there is literally nothing left but old pictures and fading memories.
You wonder what’s next cause you are stuck, in a sense… not physically, but spiritually, which is never a good thing. It’s certainly temporary (at least let’s hope), and you need to make some adjustments.

That’s also when *Friends* start moving differently around you cause your status changed. Some disappear cause they took his side, other are distant cause they don’t see you for who you really are; of course there are those who stick around, but somehow there is always a bit of judgement cause they assess the situation from an outsider standpoint. Seldom people come and hug you and tell you “everything is going to be ok”, when you are the one who leaves.

Matter of fact, I often wonder how different from who I really am people perceive me. Every time I am true to myself things seems like they get out of control. But maybe what I see as chaos are #LifeBitsFallingIntoPlace?

I do trust the process and I know the universe is looking after me; nonetheless, it does not mean I am immune to the pain and sorrow breakups carry.

Then life goes on, so future will mend the bruises and close the open wounds. All in time…

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#InLimbo

IMG_6290

The way you talked to me makes it hard. It makes it hard to get involved with someone.

What used to be easy became complicated.

You declared you did not expect a thing, but would give me the world… #IfILetYou.
You affirmed someone will always love me. #Unconditionally. That it’s written all over me.
You whispered *that someone* will kiss the ground I walk on, hold my hand and rub my feet. #Gladly.

You raised the bar so high I’m afraid to look up.
You raised the bar so high, I’m afraid to look down.

What was easy became complicated; yet, the mountains to climb are conducive to #delectation.

And even if these words turn out to be lies, I doubt the damage can be undone: cause you made a believer out of me.

#InLimbo #ABeliever

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#IfUAskMeTo

I’m oversharing ‘cause,
In reality who knows if
We’ll ever meet again?
From Now on
Anything can happen…

Your next move is inconsequential
For what matters is mine
Your next move is relevant
Only if it includes my heart

Handled with dignity
Care for reciprocity

I’m over sharing ‘cause
In reality who knows if
We’ll ever speak again?
From Now On…
Anything can happen…

Although it takes the back seat
I’m eager to know more
For what matter is
To let it out – to let it known – to let it lived

It’s hard to eloquently share
my inner thoughts,
Even if many times
Simplicity alone, works

Hoping that overtime
The process will get easier

I’m over sharing ‘cause
In reality who knows if
We’ll ever kiss again?
From Now On…
Anything can happen.

#IfYouAskMeTo.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#TheMessenger

“The Universe does not make any mistakes; She has been doing this ish* for a while now and it does not matter what you think you really want; I know you really, really want it, and it seems like this is IT – but you are confused; what you want is irrelevant because as the caring and loving entity she is, she will only give you what you need.”

I did say that… and although I sometimes have my doubts, mainly driven by my insecurities, I BELIEVE in it. I BELIEVE in HER.

The summer is not over, yet I have learnt so much about myself. Interacted with people that shifted the way I feel about life – whose essence brought me closer to the woman I have always meant to be.

I experienced sensations I thought I had forgotten and it left me speechless and asking for mo’. The former bitterness finally turned into a palatable treat – perfectly blended Hendricks and Tonic – a black-unsweetened dark- roast hot cup of coffee.

I have precisely been asking the universe to be good to me (among other eccentric requests) and she has been even if the darkest time; however, she was expecting more from me… Being oblivious to her cues, hints and signs, she had no choices but to gently send, as a gift a *blessing*, one of her messengers so to break it down… It was done so perfectly that I can physically and spiritually sense the transition. I am letting go of the resentment and failed attempts; I am letting go of the disappointments of these broken promises; I’m letting it go, so to leave room in my heart to be filled again by that love I have been longing for.

I can’t wait to recognize you.

#TrustTheProcess
#Summer2015.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#ResetButton

This is just perfect. Life. So. #Unique. #Exhilarating #Always.

I did not get it at first, but it was meant to happen that way.

When the soul goes through some type of trauma, and the shattered senses fall into deep amnesia, there is only one way to jog their memory back to what they used to be.

#IAmBack & awake. #ResetButton.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#PTSD

Although #heartbreak does not kill you, it does a number on you; the fear of another encounter is sometimes so overwhelming that it almost does not matter you survived.

You just can’t help but look over your shoulder and/or second guess yourself. You keep hoping, smiling, praying, chanting… or whatever else you usually do to “cope”, but you just feel broken: that is just the way it is.

What does not kill you makes you stronger; but did you know that first you would have to experience #PTSD?

Then, it will make you either stronger, or just harder – harder to get – by.

Although #heartbreak does not kill you, it does a number on you; the fear of another encounter is sometimes so overwhelming that it almost does not matter you survived.

But you did survive.
& that’s what matters.

#PTSD

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#ShortUpdate

For the past month I have been sleep deprived and expectedly it has clouded my judgment and nudged my inner balance; and because of all the life changing events presently occurring it has been challenging.

Although I am still experiencing anxiety, and I am extremely tired, these past couple of days I felt a deep calm within me. Months ago I asked the Universe for a few things, I actually wrote them down, and amazingly enough, they are becoming reality. I am not a religious person, but I believe in homeostasis, some call it Karma and how– we, as part of the universe – have an amazing untapped power.

As things are falling into place pretty awesomely, (just like I had asked the universe) I wanted to share with you a non-exhaustive list I believe helped me to make my desires concrete:

  1. Be as specific and intentional as you can be – if it is what you really want (months, date, names, locations…), do not live room for doubt, and be ready to receive.
  2. Be cautious of what you are asking for because it will materialize; however,
  3. do not be afraid.
  4. Be grateful and share your story as inspiration, but keep it for those who asked for it.
  5. Keep unsolicited advice for yourself.

So that is it for this short update… Until next time

#ShortUpdate

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#AboutPatience

#AboutPatience

Every time I felt challenged, I got extremely overwhelmed. Although my life might appear unorthodox for some people, I have been living very comfortable and cautious existence. Here’s the problem: nobody has ever reached the sky by being safe, and the sky is all I’ve been longing for.

I’ve been meaning to explore this one precious gift of a life to its fullest, but was from early infused with fears and doubts. Having a strong support system is really a blessing, I think, even if some succeed without.

I claim that I am aware of my privileges, yet I can’t help but complaining about things that I can easily change, or rather, things I think I can easily change, as if, maybe, there were forces that are stronger than we might admit. As if, even with all the purpose in the world, there were energies that are way more potent that we want to give them credit for.

I have this strong belief that in the end it will all make sense. It is how I am able to get up every day and keep going, despite the headaches, the heartaches, disappointments and the shame.

Meanwhile, I am being patient.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#AreYouYou?

 


Every once in a while there is a slight shift, some sort of spiritual awakening.

Then, one day as you open your eyes, you realize you have been catering to a certain ideal, specific expectations that somehow were not necessarily aligned with your inner self. Deep down you might* have known all along that something was quite peculiar…

We are taught to be “good”, sage comme une image (well-behaved, like a still picture, a photograph) and that if we’d step/act out we’d be labeled as rebel, and possibly ostracized. It is in some ways fundamental to learn these boundaries in order to understand how The System works, so you can recognize when it is on the move (to get you).

Unfortunately, some of us, after being so perfectly conditioned are too far along into standardization to even realize how constrained we are, unaware of our lack of Freedom. Others, although recognizing their limitations, will forever be doomed to wander in limbo, paralyzed by fear.

So are we really who we are meant to be?

Are we on the pack of awakening? 

Or maybe I am just overthinking, taking myself way too seriously, failing to realize that I am just another collection of ingeniously arranged carbon atoms surpassed by the complexity of her soul.

#AreYouYou?


©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#NeverEnough?

I never feel like I’m enough. I used to be an avid reader growing up and although I still read regularly there are so many others books to be read, so many authors I don’t even know about.

I graduated last September. My studies were as challenging than rewarding and I am so grateful I have learnt so much. I belong to the “privileged”; it also made me realize how little I know about virtually every topic I can think of.

I admire eloquence and wit of those consistent souls who have goals and reach them. I, myself, am well intentioned and constantly plan ahead, “list” in an attempt to get things done and better myself— and fall [so] short.

I know that hard work is #always rewarded, eventually, that repetition bring us closer to “perfection” and one can do everything they put their my mind to, yet I easily get overwhelmed and systematically experience staggering stage fright. I resent judgment so much that I hide my weaknesses with assurance and stare at my fears right in the eyes without ever turning my back as I’m afraid it would stab me.

Can it be that there are too many books to read, or too much knowledge available to be versed in all of them? Definitely so!!!! I should see this as a quality: it forces me to do better. So why do I never feel like I am enough? Why are these wicked insecurities crawling under my feet and meddling through the cracks [any cracks] show up at the most inopportune times? I guess that no matter how prepared I think I am I should make peace with it and get used to it. Meanwhile, the struggle continues…

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

Can We All Just Get Along? #PeaceOffering

  

I recently celebrated the 11th anniversary of my arrival in New York. Eleven years, is a long time. Yet, when you meet an 11 year old, you feel as they don’t know much about life and that the best is yet to come.

Of course I miss many things about my mother’s land: my family, my friends, the food… the ease at which one is quick to purchase a weekend in Rome or Budapest, or even New York. The health benefits just to state the obvious, four weeks paid vacation, the month of May… just to state a few…

When I tell people I am French, they look at me dubitatively, and ask why I am here. Like if France, was the most romantic and idyllic place on planet Earth. Well, my dear friend, I guess we always think the grass is greener in other side of the pond, don’t we?

The reality is that my love living here, right now; more specifically, I love the opportunities, to know there are there to grab if you work hard enough. Of course, there are opportunities other places, but for now, here is my home. Will I always love it? I do not know. It’s been only 11 years, and I might change my mind at some point.

Today, I am really comfortable with who I am and represent, and do not feel I shall refrain from comparing or criticizing things or people I find offensive, distasteful or admirable; However, it came to my attention that some of my rants bothered certain people, not because of what I was saying, but because of who I was… which could be understandable, I guess? One might feel attacked, looked upon, dismissed… Maybe I should stop complaining about not being able to find a descent baguette up in here? I mean, it does sound condescending, but perfectly fits the French stereotype I think you have of me, isn’t it right? I am just trying to make you feel comfortable since I refuse to disclose my “race or ethnicity”: now you can put me in a box (smiley face). Here I go again… just joking… not— bygone…

Bottom line, I love it here, and from now on, I think I will try to be a bit more considerate of your feelings people, cause I want us to get along and bond ❤

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

How do I deal with certain things as a Self-Declared Woman oF Rich Ethnical and Cultural Background (WRECB)

Disclaimer: my ideas and opinions are subjected to change as I go through this beautiful thing we call life. You can help me shape my ideas by commenting and sharing your own perspective, as long as it is done in a respectful manner. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

IMG_0211These past few days I have had interesting interactions with friends about gender and race discrimination, and I came into a few conclusions of my own.

Let me first tell you a little about me: I believe race and gender are of social construct. I was socialized as a typical “white girl”. My mother’s family is French of Italian descent, and I grew up among them; therefore, for the first part of my life: I was oblivious of many things related to race/ethnicity. Of course, I saw there were different types of people, from different continents, but I didn’t think that their differences transcended their physical appearances: some had straight hair, other curly, black skin, or blue eyes, etc… Most importantly, I was not aware of the concept that certain minorities could be discriminated against, and definitely didn’t recognize it could somehow affect (or rather was affecting) my life.

Things started to unravel later when my consciousness and common sense clashed in a sort of disbelief, then climaxed in high school where I finally met a bunch of people from different places, and who had lots of (preconceived) ideas, about lots of things, not unlike the people I had grown up with, amusingly… This lead me, over the years, not only to educated myself about these issues that pertained to my own identity and others, but also listen attentively and reflect on my own experiences as a Woman of a Rich Ethnical and Cultural Background (WRECB).

This social experiment led me to a few conclusions of my own:

Discriminations do exist, that is why it is important to be aware of them; but if you keep looking at something you will always find it: you can read into as such even, when there is nothing.

For instance, if you’re on the road and you see a hole on the ground, upon acknowledging it, you have a few choices:

  • You could stop and complain how people are negligent, and how they don’t care about other’s safety, and on and on, and on… making a lot of noise, and not really doing much about it.
  • You could maneuver around it, minding your own business
  • You could contact the authorities, so the problem is addressed, and someone will eventually fix it
  • Or even better, get some cement and fill the opening, preventing accidents from happening.

You might also not know what a hole is, either because you have not been exposed or nobody knew about it, or everybody else had special shoes that protected them from falling. It might take a few fall and hurt before realizing what it is and now be aware.

These examples are pretty straight forward, and if you didn’t get it, I am just encouraging you raise awareness and pro-activity, if anything.

I feel blessed I was able to learn (the hard way), and I ended up realizing that most of these roads I was (am) strolling had already been paved before me. In the process of discovering, I blamed others and denounced their lack of sympathy and/or compassion, I avoided tackling issues enabling, as a result, certain behaviors around me, I have tried to get helped from others, and I have also been proactive. From experience, the last two have been the most effective.

Bottom line, it is human to feel negatively drained by injustices. But the real question is: what are you going to do about it? How do you face challenges?

Disclaimer: my ideas and opinions are subjected to change as I go through this beautiful thing we call life. You can help me shape my ideas by commenting and sharing your own perspective, as long as it is done in a respectful manner. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2014