#AtTime

#AtTime, there is a definite disconnect between the person I know I am, and the way I feel about myself. Let me reiterate: I get insecure. #AtTime.

But I am not completely sure why.

Pragmatically, I have nothing to complain about, I guess… Of course there will always be a Better-Looking-Smarter-Tighter-Booty-More-Accomplished-Talented-Perfect-Skin-Perfect-Teeth-Perfect-Fro-Perfect-Diet-Goes-To-The-Gym-On-A-Regular-Basis-Drinks-One-Gallon-Of-Water-A-Day-Has-That-Flawless-Fashion-Sense-Eloquent-Just-Got-Her-PHD-Chick, ya know… you feel kinda inadequate around, #AtTime – you know…

But, aren’t flaws what makes us who we are, what differentiates ourselves, what makes us interestingly unique? Right? right…

So how come, if I’m aware of all those blessings, my Blessings, do I feel that way, #AtTime?

I guess, I feel that way so I can really appreciate those other times… Those times when, as I enter the realm of enclose parameter – the air pressure drops, and I become aware of my status; those times when, the temperature instantly rises and the beat of the drums – in unison – emerges from the depth of the (h)earth.

But this is not today.
Maybe tomorrow?

#AtTime

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#TormentIsGoodForSales

 

Inebriated…

I want to feel the way I feel when I’m in falling…
You know?
When I’m falling for someone.

I want to be up all night and not be tired in the morning because of the thrill.

I want to forget to eat because my stomach feels as full as if the content of my heart was poured into it.

I want that makeup-free glow and bear that true smile: that blessed smile that only extra O2 can bring

The one that remains on your face – All. Day. Long. First Base

But… I don’t want to be bothered

Because, usually, when I feel this way it means trouble my friend.

When I feel this way it usually means that a lot of blog entries and poems are to be written and songs chanted.

The more it wrecks your soul the more beautiful and enticing the outcome seems to be…

#TormentIsGoodForSales

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#MergingIntoMyself

I long to be Free.
Free from my fears.

Free from the imaginary boundaries I inflicted mySelf.
I long to be mySelf.
The woman I’ve always meant to be. Phenomenal woman, that’s Me.

The one who will own her flaws and recognize them as the most enticing part of who she is. The one who will appreciate them the way they deserve to be.

I long to be aware.
Aware of Reality

Fully aware of the Love I’ve been the recipient all along. That Love that has been kept away from my heart by the fear of being rejected.

Everyday, I look at mySelf.
Everyday, I’m one step closer.
Everyday, I am grateful of the joys and the pains and the hardships I’ve been subjected to.

I’m emerging and

#MergingIntoMySelf

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#AndIlKeepSayingThat


Everything happens for a reason.
2015 is coming to an end, and, is so far one of the most epic years to date.
The people I crossed path with this year shaped my life is significant ways.

The people I crossed path with this year filled my heart with new found purposes.

The people I crossed path with this year, whether as confidents, part-time lovers or foes allowed me to reach my true potential.

I am immensely grateful cause I have met you. I really am, with all my heart and soul, and you might feel it as you read these words, don’t you? Cause I’m talking about you… Yes you! And I hope that makes you smile, or think, or tilt…

I am no longer afraid, scared, ashamed nor feeling awkward about my claims, as I have realized that we never know when things come to an end. When we have to say goodbye to great friends. So tell them, today, that you care…

#LiveYourTruth. #Everyday

#AndIlKeepSayingThat

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#AboutStraightForwardness

I left room for warmth. Your Warmth. But you took too long to say what you meant, beat around the bush like a wild man, so randomness settled in… and settled down.

Back to square one.

The spot, (cozy, I might add), is taken for now and you will have to entertain… entertain my soul, spirit and senses, again, for their attention span is inversely proportional to your alertness.

Nudge…

#StraighForwardNess is Always the best policy in the matter of the heart. Of course the delivery must be Impeccable as it is what sets the tone (usually) for what’s to follow; however, all should be said. All could be said. All MUST be said… indeed…

Am I willing to wait until you get it? Who knows? Fast forward… Will you get it the next time you see me hand in hand with the one who got it… straight?

Pick my attention, now. Or live and learn for your next stunning encounter with potential Bliss.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#OverthinkingThangs

I am easily drifting towards the depth of the chiaroscuro
This in between state where things never really feel comfortable;
This place where we tippy toe so to not disturb the still of the Universe around us.

My mind wanders as I get amazed about the grooves of the trees trunk,
The softness of the grass and the intricacy of our thought processes:

I obsessively ponder how the sun’s energy travels through space to purposely act upon everything it touches.

I’m aware that everything is connected and how we are all part of keeping the world homeostasis going on.

I understand how catalysts speed up processes which, would only unfold at minimal rate if not for them.

I constantly think about the past… and future… and how it intensely reflects and shapes The Now – “The Now” we so profoundly experience with every inch of our consciousness, that we want it or not.

And, then, still, we wait.
We (Me, Myseld and I) patiently wait for Love to weave in between two breaths
& potently intoxicate our senses (again).

Until that time… I’ll be

#OverthinkingThangs

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#LifeBitsFallingIntoPlace


Isn’t it interesting how life can change so drastically in the space of a few months? How one year you are planning for future tense with someone and the next year you are just here, starting *fresh* cause there is literally nothing left but old pictures and fading memories.
You wonder what’s next cause you are stuck, in a sense… not physically, but spiritually, which is never a good thing. It’s certainly temporary (at least let’s hope), and you need to make some adjustments.

That’s also when *Friends* start moving differently around you cause your status changed. Some disappear cause they took his side, other are distant cause they don’t see you for who you really are; of course there are those who stick around, but somehow there is always a bit of judgement cause they assess the situation from an outsider standpoint. Seldom people come and hug you and tell you “everything is going to be ok”, when you are the one who leaves.

Matter of fact, I often wonder how different from who I really am people perceive me. Every time I am true to myself things seems like they get out of control. But maybe what I see as chaos are #LifeBitsFallingIntoPlace?

I do trust the process and I know the universe is looking after me; nonetheless, it does not mean I am immune to the pain and sorrow breakups carry.

Then life goes on, so future will mend the bruises and close the open wounds. All in time…

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#OnLustAndLoveAndEverythingInBetween (part3)

In logic and probability theory, two propositions (or events) are mutually exclusive or disjoint if they cannot both be true (occur).

Shall we treat Lust and Love as two distinct functions evolving in two separate systems? How both those states relate to Happiness? It sounds concurrently simple and complicated, hence the trickiness.

In a nutshell, there is the Lust and there is the Love… and for majority of my adult life I somehow misconceived their respective meanings as well as mishandled their applications. As these two ever-overlapping “concepts” wildly encompass a range of compelling feelings, and because they (may) relate and (may) interact with one another so closely, it would be difficult for me to comprehend them fully, or even partially – for that matter; however, I feel that today, I took one step away from my initial cluelessness.

It seems as Lust and Love feed into each others’ narrative. It seems as they share a common purpose.

Lust is straightforward, Lust is simple, and there is basically little that can be done about it: Lust assess how chemically compatible we are to someone, and how healthy would an eventual offspring be. Plain and simple and pragmatic. *Lust* solely relies on efficiency.

Love is intricate, Love is sophisticated, and may or may not stem from Lust, but regardless where it originates, is build from the ground up. Love is potent and there is basically little that can be done about it. Love allows discrepancies to be efficiently taken care of – in case something goes down – aka imbalanced chemical compatibility. Love relies on the problem solving skills our elaborated brain cultivated, a defense mechanism we developed over time, for survival.

Lust and Love appear to be chemically induced for our species lastingness. They started mutually exclusive, and merged, inclusively, “byproducing” happiness.

So what if, what we have been lead to believe all along was flawed? What if happiness, as a purpose, was an illusion we created to rationalize our urges when in fact this is nothing but a bundle of chemical reactions… Not to say that a delusional state does not perfectly fit my desires, as this so called state is “inherent” to my human condition, and hence there is basically little that can be done about it;

Today, this right here makes total sense to me and ergo allows my soul to be soothed, and my heart to cope with whatever concerns is clouding my inner thoughts.

So, for what it’s worth, in a (my) perfect world, I will from now on use my brain to ponder if the situation is conducive to what matters most; I will, for now on, use my brain to estimate how a context can generate its highest yield of Long Term Happiness – for the latter turns out to be a convolution integrating a customizable blend of Lust and Love, and everything in between.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#InLimbo

IMG_6290

The way you talked to me makes it hard. It makes it hard to get involved with someone.

What used to be easy became complicated.

You declared you did not expect a thing, but would give me the world… #IfILetYou.
You affirmed someone will always love me. #Unconditionally. That it’s written all over me.
You whispered *that someone* will kiss the ground I walk on, hold my hand and rub my feet. #Gladly.

You raised the bar so high I’m afraid to look up.
You raised the bar so high, I’m afraid to look down.

What was easy became complicated; yet, the mountains to climb are conducive to #delectation.

And even if these words turn out to be lies, I doubt the damage can be undone: cause you made a believer out of me.

#InLimbo #ABeliever

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#IfUAskMeTo

I’m oversharing ‘cause,
In reality who knows if
We’ll ever meet again?
From Now on
Anything can happen…

Your next move is inconsequential
For what matters is mine
Your next move is relevant
Only if it includes my heart

Handled with dignity
Care for reciprocity

I’m over sharing ‘cause
In reality who knows if
We’ll ever speak again?
From Now On…
Anything can happen…

Although it takes the back seat
I’m eager to know more
For what matter is
To let it out – to let it known – to let it lived

It’s hard to eloquently share
my inner thoughts,
Even if many times
Simplicity alone, works

Hoping that overtime
The process will get easier

I’m over sharing ‘cause
In reality who knows if
We’ll ever kiss again?
From Now On…
Anything can happen.

#IfYouAskMeTo.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#FYI

Amazingly enough, life happens again in the most interesting way possible.

I matter; yet, I feel so insignificant sometimes.
I matter; yet, I feel like silence carries its weight so heavily on my shoulder it makes me bend over.
Uneasiness rips my soul into pieces and make me reconsider how things should be handled… or rather left alone.

I smile but I catch the subtleties of life more efficiently than you’d ever know.
But you’d never know.
Well I guess, now you know…

#FYI

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#FirstBase

Soft and Sweet.

I reminisce the Brightness of the morning.
I reminisce the Taste of drunk kisses.

I reminisce the Thrill of sleepless nights.

I reminisce the Strength of my desire.
I reminisce the Warmth of Your breath.
& your tender caress.

I reminisce the Scent of your face.
Your hands through my hair.
You calling my name.

I reminisce how it feels like.
I reminisce how it feels like.

I reminisce… How good it feels.

For now.

#FirstBase

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#FromNowOn

It’s interesting how one simple action can have phenomenal traction; how one silly little thing can affect one’s heart(s).

#FromNowOn:

Let’s not underestimate our power and how Well (or not so well) we fit into our surroundings: how fast the planet turns and how its moon revolution pulls and pushes the seas and all water-based bodies.

Let’s not underestimate how small entities such as hormones regent our behaviors and our functionality.

Let’s not underestimate the strength of our thoughts and the potential of our soul to connect with one another, even in great distances.

Ironically, today – I feel so weak, yet so strong. I guess it all depend on how you look at it…

In the end, all we need to do is Believe this is real, cause it is, indeed, #Real.

#FromNowOn

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#TheMessenger

“The Universe does not make any mistakes; She has been doing this ish* for a while now and it does not matter what you think you really want; I know you really, really want it, and it seems like this is IT – but you are confused; what you want is irrelevant because as the caring and loving entity she is, she will only give you what you need.”

I did say that… and although I sometimes have my doubts, mainly driven by my insecurities, I BELIEVE in it. I BELIEVE in HER.

The summer is not over, yet I have learnt so much about myself. Interacted with people that shifted the way I feel about life – whose essence brought me closer to the woman I have always meant to be.

I experienced sensations I thought I had forgotten and it left me speechless and asking for mo’. The former bitterness finally turned into a palatable treat – perfectly blended Hendricks and Tonic – a black-unsweetened dark- roast hot cup of coffee.

I have precisely been asking the universe to be good to me (among other eccentric requests) and she has been even if the darkest time; however, she was expecting more from me… Being oblivious to her cues, hints and signs, she had no choices but to gently send, as a gift a *blessing*, one of her messengers so to break it down… It was done so perfectly that I can physically and spiritually sense the transition. I am letting go of the resentment and failed attempts; I am letting go of the disappointments of these broken promises; I’m letting it go, so to leave room in my heart to be filled again by that love I have been longing for.

I can’t wait to recognize you.

#TrustTheProcess
#Summer2015.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#ProudWeAre

Pride is a necessary evil, which unbalanced, will make you waste time on love and might even bruise a beautiful relationship (to be) beyond repair;

And yes, everyone’s goal is to protect their heart; and granted, indifference allows time for sensitive soul to heal accordingly, and yes: actions do speak louder than words, even though sometimes, the reasons behind the actions are deeper than what we assume.

I guess you will have to ponder if it is worth it in the end.

Can your heart afford to lose a love that might change the course of time?
Can your heart afford to lose the opportunity to raise your soul to higher grounds?

These are Valid Questions you might want to ask yourself when ish* are going down.

#JustSayin’

Proud. We. Are.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#AutoCensorship

I want to write but I can’t right now.
Too many curious eyes, too many thirsty ears…

I can’t tell the world what I think about or dream at night, for it is too personal and probably… No, never mind.

I want to elaborate about that thrill, about those fears, about what makes me shiver (cause it does).

I’d love to prose about my inspirations, who I miss and long for and what upsets me.

But right now, it is not the right time;
And I’m wondering if… No, never mind.

It is too Fresh and Raw, “Uncut”.
I am not ready for the scrutiny.
Too many curious eyes, too many thirsty ears…

#AutoCensorship

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#ResetButton

This is just perfect. Life. So. #Unique. #Exhilarating #Always.

I did not get it at first, but it was meant to happen that way.

When the soul goes through some type of trauma, and the shattered senses fall into deep amnesia, there is only one way to jog their memory back to what they used to be.

#IAmBack & awake. #ResetButton.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#ADayInALife


It’s amazing the difference one day can make:

You wake up feeling horrible, you lay down at night peaceful and collected.

I’m so drastic and so impatient and so easily overwhelmed. Cause that’s who I am.

Eventually, things swiftly slide into place as soon as I get into the right groove and feel comfortable; things swiftly slide back into place and it feels damn good. Those “things” I had forgotten, resurfaced and make it hard to ever forget again…

Shit….

#LovelySummer #oozing

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#Withdrawal 

You know you made the right move to go #ColdTurkey but now, you are going through #Withdrawal, and that ish* hurt like a MF.

You think you are ok, and ultimately you will be, but at that moment all Hell breaks loose.

You know that some “events” have little to do with you; however, it does not matter. Your confidence is fractured – yet again – your spirit is bruised – yet again. You feel as all could have been avoided if only you had done things differently. Really? Not really.

But you know that you were the best you could have been and done what you believed was right and gave that extra ounce of Love you had.

You can’t believe you fell again, so loudly.
You can’t believe you opened up so brightly.

Again..

But you better believe it, cause that is who You are: #PassionatelyDeliberate #BeautifullyFlawed

You know you made the right move to go #ColdTurkey but presently you are going through real bs called  #Withdrawal, and that ish* hurt like a MF. Like a MF. Like a MF.

KeepBreathingDeeply

#TrustTheProcessAlways

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015