#OnLoveAndLustAndEverythingInBetween – part4

There is something very humbling about being rejected by someone whom you really like.

Humbling because after the initial shock, it forces you to think about the reasons why it hurts so much.

Humbling because if forces you to decide whether you will allow this pain to morph into compassion or anger – towards yourself and others.

After going through yet another deception, will you decide to keep believing in Love and convince yourself that it will “all gonna be alright” (Kendrick’s voice), eventually – or will you just numb all feelings by indulging in [insert here your worse favorite  vice]?

How many times will you listen “Anytime” before the lyrics you know by heart do not hurt (as much) anymore?

How many times will you have to listen to “Prepared” until you decide this will be your new mantra and you are now ready to channel your inner Nola Darling?

Will you allow your heart to stay open, cause you perfectly know that it is the only way love will find its way back there or shut down for a while in order to find yourself again?

There is something very humbling about the by someone whom you really like.

Hopefully this new found humility will open your eyes to the infinite possibilities the Universe granted you – as everything given or taken from you is purposeful and deliberate: Trust that everything that’s ever happened is,  indeed, Δlways the best outcome.

#OnLoveAndLustAndEverythingInBetween

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2016

#JustDont


Appearances are somehow misleading.

Most times… What seems great, perfect, enticing, greener on the other side… Is in fact completely rotten.

Somehow, the smell does not bother your asepticized noses, probably because you have been acclimatized to it. Little by little. One passive aggressiveness after the other. F*** That.

Somehow, you feel uncomfortable but you DO NOT want to trust your gut. F*** That.

Don’t let your insecurities get the best of your happiness. Be who you are meant to be and have as much freedom as you can possibly attain being who you are. Don’t let others’ bullshit mess with your spirit, your soul, your aura. F*** that, F*** them.

Remember: you only live once in that body of yours, and who knows who/what you’ll be next lifetime. Enjoy the Freedom you have been granted this time around.

Love like you give a  damn; kiss often (the French way and don’t apologize for it); hug everyday and inspire others by being the best version you claim to be.

Appearances are somehow misleading. Most times… What seems great, perfect, enticing, greener on the other side – just ain’t.. Trust me! Don’t let mofos rain on your parade. #JustDont

With Love.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2016

#TheBuzz


Drafted Friday while watching Brandee Younger (Harp), Dezron Douglas (Bass) & David Bryant (piano) playing at #TheWestVillageSeries’ @ Cheikh’s. Edited at 3am Saturday morning, up from drinking so much Champagne.

I tip the glass to my lips,
Allow the champagne to burn my tongue,
Then, flow down my throat
Liquid gold – I’m gone.

I close my eyes
& feel the hype-
Lose my Self, delicately.
Moments of Harpsense.

I close my eyes
& feel the hype-
Feel mySelf, indubitably
Stop the pretense.

Tho the Bass is grounding me, right there –
My soul, aloft, quivers from the thrill.
More Champagne… please.
All through the night!

Fill my emptiness
With tangible Dreams
Fill those Dreams
With (com)Passionate Love.
Fill that Love
With solid delight and gentle strokes.

Cause I’m a Queen baby:
I bathe in warm milk
& sleep in silk sheets.
Eat almonds, dates and honey – in the mawning.

I tip the glass – to my lips,
Allow the champagne to burn my tongue,
Then flow. Down my throat…
Liquid gold – I’m home.

#TheBuzz

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2016

#iSurrender

#iSurrender.
To the Water, The Wind and the Sun.

The Water.

I drown deep and let my fears roll down my face.
I exhale to the surface to catch my breath, inhale and drown time and time, ’til I can be myself again…

#iSurrender.
To the Water, The Wind and the Sun.

The Wind.

Infiltrates every corners of my soul.
Touches every inches of my skin
Blows through my hair; I shiver.
Relieve the pain I was not aware of and was enduring – all along

#iSurrender.
To the Water, The Wind and the Sun.

The Sun.

So far yet so potent. Hot encounters and burning kisses;
You and I. Steam pouring out my pores.
You leave an impression. Every single touch.

#iSurrender.

I surrender to the Elements and now belong to the Universe

I surrendered, so could i longer be denied of my crown?

Wait? Wait! …
I’m just eager baby…

I have surrendered to She and now float in limbo between the seas and the skies until I’m claimed.

#iSurrender

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2016

#LetIt

I accumulate love bits around me and I #LetIt grow, grow, grow.
And l will #LetIt burst if you touch my heart and #LetIt flow, flow, flow.

I’ll share it all, with you, naked, no games.
I’ll give it all to you. Straight up, no lies.
I’ll empty my bliss, so you can feel it too.

And “It” will change the way you see the Night Skies, brighten the Greens of the forests, deepen the Red of Women Lips, sharpen the sound of silence and enhance taste of fine wines: if you #LetIt.

“It” will delightfully take you “tHERe”, smoke your spirit and exhale your soul in a weightless incandescent cloud, so you can shine: if you #LetIt.

If you #LetIt, give yourself some time. Time to recover: breathe deeply and enjoy the high – while it last.

I ain’t here to tell you what to do.
And you don’t have to #LetIt happen.
But if you do… #LetIt… don’t come empty handed: bring some Love, Compassion and chilled Moët.

I accumulate love bits around me and I #LetIt grow, grow, grow – that’s what I do.

#LetIt

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2016

#SmallTalk

In any capacity, the type of bonding(s) we are able to generate makes all the difference. From atoms to people, it undoubtedly dictates its architecture, in terms of aesthetics and functionality, hence the strength and length of any relationships.

About #SmallTalk… I recently realized that I really- really – really despise it. I do tolerate a 20-80 ratio, but too much rambling usually bruises my aura and hurts my soul…

Interestingly enough, for a long time, I was unable to pinpoint the reasons why I’d find some people so enticing and others bland. For a long time, I was incapable to tangibly grasp why strong bonds [or lack thereof] were to form between me and [InsertHere] strangers/acquaintances/friends/family members/lovers. Curiosity being my middle name, (I’m an enquirer) as well as my being feisty, newness has always ignited my cravings for debates, arguments and french kissing beautiful lips. (Not necessarily in that order)

I’m passionate about *understanding processes* on how worlds revolve.
I’m passionate about voicing my he[art].
I’m passionate about deep diving.

Isn’t tasting each other souls a potent way to bond?
Isn’t experiencing different flavors an interesting way to discover the depths of our inner-selves?
How else could we, as spiritual entities, blend and connect at a deeper level if not for a genuine desire for comprehension?

Too much #SmallTalk, this tue-l’amour, this charade of word collection – is most definitely lethal to meaningful relationships.

In any capacity, the type(s) of bonding we are able to generates makes all the difference.

Maybe not for everyone… But it does, for me.

#SmallTalk

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2016

#ExesBeLike

#ExesBeLike: Sup’ girl
#ExesBeLike: How’s your man/bf/husband?
#ExesBeLike: “like” your IG/fb pics *all of a sudden*
#ExesBeLike: you lookin’ good gurl…
#ExesBeLike: I messed up…
#ExesBeLike: I *still* miss you.
#ExesBeLike: I’m sorry…
#ExesBeLike: are you in town?

#MeBeLike: I is good, I’m divorced, hmm…. thanks: trying to keep it fresh, I know, What am I supposed to respond to that? I’m sure you are and I accept your apologies… Matter of fact, I am (have you been stalking my fb page?)!

BTW, #HowsYourWifeAndKids?

#ExesBeLike

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2016

#AtTime

#AtTime, there is a definite disconnect between the person I know I am, and the way I feel about myself. Let me reiterate: I get insecure. #AtTime.

But I am not completely sure why.

Pragmatically, I have nothing to complain about, I guess… Of course there will always be a Better-Looking-Smarter-Tighter-Booty-More-Accomplished-Talented-Perfect-Skin-Perfect-Teeth-Perfect-Fro-Perfect-Diet-Goes-To-The-Gym-On-A-Regular-Basis-Drinks-One-Gallon-Of-Water-A-Day-Has-That-Flawless-Fashion-Sense-Eloquent-Just-Got-Her-PHD-Chick, ya know… you feel kinda inadequate around, #AtTime – you know…

But, aren’t flaws what makes us who we are, what differentiates ourselves, what makes us interestingly unique? Right? right…

So how come, if I’m aware of all those blessings, my Blessings, do I feel that way, #AtTime?

I guess, I feel that way so I can really appreciate those other times… Those times when, as I enter the realm of enclose parameter – the air pressure drops, and I become aware of my status; those times when, the temperature instantly rises and the beat of the drums – in unison – emerges from the depth of the (h)earth.

But this is not today.
Maybe tomorrow?

#AtTime

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#TormentIsGoodForSales

 

Inebriated…

I want to feel the way I feel when I’m in falling…
You know?
When I’m falling for someone.

I want to be up all night and not be tired in the morning because of the thrill.

I want to forget to eat because my stomach feels as full as if the content of my heart was poured into it.

I want that makeup-free glow and bear that true smile: that blessed smile that only extra O2 can bring

The one that remains on your face – All. Day. Long. First Base

But… I don’t want to be bothered

Because, usually, when I feel this way it means trouble my friend.

When I feel this way it usually means that a lot of blog entries and poems are to be written and songs chanted.

The more it wrecks your soul the more beautiful and enticing the outcome seems to be…

#TormentIsGoodForSales

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#MergingIntoMyself

I long to be Free.
Free from my fears.

Free from the imaginary boundaries I inflicted mySelf.
I long to be mySelf.
The woman I’ve always meant to be. Phenomenal woman, that’s Me.

The one who will own her flaws and recognize them as the most enticing part of who she is. The one who will appreciate them the way they deserve to be.

I long to be aware.
Aware of Reality

Fully aware of the Love I’ve been the recipient all along. That Love that has been kept away from my heart by the fear of being rejected.

Everyday, I look at mySelf.
Everyday, I’m one step closer.
Everyday, I am grateful of the joys and the pains and the hardships I’ve been subjected to.

I’m emerging and

#MergingIntoMySelf

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#AndIlKeepSayingThat


Everything happens for a reason.
2015 is coming to an end, and, is so far one of the most epic years to date.
The people I crossed path with this year shaped my life is significant ways.

The people I crossed path with this year filled my heart with new found purposes.

The people I crossed path with this year, whether as confidents, part-time lovers or foes allowed me to reach my true potential.

I am immensely grateful cause I have met you. I really am, with all my heart and soul, and you might feel it as you read these words, don’t you? Cause I’m talking about you… Yes you! And I hope that makes you smile, or think, or tilt…

I am no longer afraid, scared, ashamed nor feeling awkward about my claims, as I have realized that we never know when things come to an end. When we have to say goodbye to great friends. So tell them, today, that you care…

#LiveYourTruth. #Everyday

#AndIlKeepSayingThat

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#AboutStraightForwardness

I left room for warmth. Your Warmth. But you took too long to say what you meant, beat around the bush like a wild man, so randomness settled in… and settled down.

Back to square one.

The spot, (cozy, I might add), is taken for now and you will have to entertain… entertain my soul, spirit and senses, again, for their attention span is inversely proportional to your alertness.

Nudge…

#StraighForwardNess is Always the best policy in the matter of the heart. Of course the delivery must be Impeccable as it is what sets the tone (usually) for what’s to follow; however, all should be said. All could be said. All MUST be said… indeed…

Am I willing to wait until you get it? Who knows? Fast forward… Will you get it the next time you see me hand in hand with the one who got it… straight?

Pick my attention, now. Or live and learn for your next stunning encounter with potential Bliss.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#OverthinkingThangs

I am easily drifting towards the depth of the chiaroscuro
This in between state where things never really feel comfortable;
This place where we tippy toe so to not disturb the still of the Universe around us.

My mind wanders as I get amazed about the grooves of the trees trunk,
The softness of the grass and the intricacy of our thought processes:

I obsessively ponder how the sun’s energy travels through space to purposely act upon everything it touches.

I’m aware that everything is connected and how we are all part of keeping the world homeostasis going on.

I understand how catalysts speed up processes which, would only unfold at minimal rate if not for them.

I constantly think about the past… and future… and how it intensely reflects and shapes The Now – “The Now” we so profoundly experience with every inch of our consciousness, that we want it or not.

And, then, still, we wait.
We (Me, Myseld and I) patiently wait for Love to weave in between two breaths
& potently intoxicate our senses (again).

Until that time… I’ll be

#OverthinkingThangs

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#LifeBitsFallingIntoPlace


Isn’t it interesting how life can change so drastically in the space of a few months? How one year you are planning for future tense with someone and the next year you are just here, starting *fresh* cause there is literally nothing left but old pictures and fading memories.
You wonder what’s next cause you are stuck, in a sense… not physically, but spiritually, which is never a good thing. It’s certainly temporary (at least let’s hope), and you need to make some adjustments.

That’s also when *Friends* start moving differently around you cause your status changed. Some disappear cause they took his side, other are distant cause they don’t see you for who you really are; of course there are those who stick around, but somehow there is always a bit of judgement cause they assess the situation from an outsider standpoint. Seldom people come and hug you and tell you “everything is going to be ok”, when you are the one who leaves.

Matter of fact, I often wonder how different from who I really am people perceive me. Every time I am true to myself things seems like they get out of control. But maybe what I see as chaos are #LifeBitsFallingIntoPlace?

I do trust the process and I know the universe is looking after me; nonetheless, it does not mean I am immune to the pain and sorrow breakups carry.

Then life goes on, so future will mend the bruises and close the open wounds. All in time…

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#OnLustAndLoveAndEverythingInBetween (part3)

In logic and probability theory, two propositions (or events) are mutually exclusive or disjoint if they cannot both be true (occur).

Shall we treat Lust and Love as two distinct functions evolving in two separate systems? How both those states relate to Happiness? It sounds concurrently simple and complicated, hence the trickiness.

In a nutshell, there is the Lust and there is the Love… and for majority of my adult life I somehow misconceived their respective meanings as well as mishandled their applications. As these two ever-overlapping “concepts” wildly encompass a range of compelling feelings, and because they (may) relate and (may) interact with one another so closely, it would be difficult for me to comprehend them fully, or even partially – for that matter; however, I feel that today, I took one step away from my initial cluelessness.

It seems as Lust and Love feed into each others’ narrative. It seems as they share a common purpose.

Lust is straightforward, Lust is simple, and there is basically little that can be done about it: Lust assess how chemically compatible we are to someone, and how healthy would an eventual offspring be. Plain and simple and pragmatic. *Lust* solely relies on efficiency.

Love is intricate, Love is sophisticated, and may or may not stem from Lust, but regardless where it originates, is build from the ground up. Love is potent and there is basically little that can be done about it. Love allows discrepancies to be efficiently taken care of – in case something goes down – aka imbalanced chemical compatibility. Love relies on the problem solving skills our elaborated brain cultivated, a defense mechanism we developed over time, for survival.

Lust and Love appear to be chemically induced for our species lastingness. They started mutually exclusive, and merged, inclusively, “byproducing” happiness.

So what if, what we have been lead to believe all along was flawed? What if happiness, as a purpose, was an illusion we created to rationalize our urges when in fact this is nothing but a bundle of chemical reactions… Not to say that a delusional state does not perfectly fit my desires, as this so called state is “inherent” to my human condition, and hence there is basically little that can be done about it;

Today, this right here makes total sense to me and ergo allows my soul to be soothed, and my heart to cope with whatever concerns is clouding my inner thoughts.

So, for what it’s worth, in a (my) perfect world, I will from now on use my brain to ponder if the situation is conducive to what matters most; I will, for now on, use my brain to estimate how a context can generate its highest yield of Long Term Happiness – for the latter turns out to be a convolution integrating a customizable blend of Lust and Love, and everything in between.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#InLimbo

IMG_6290

The way you talked to me makes it hard. It makes it hard to get involved with someone.

What used to be easy became complicated.

You declared you did not expect a thing, but would give me the world… #IfILetYou.
You affirmed someone will always love me. #Unconditionally. That it’s written all over me.
You whispered *that someone* will kiss the ground I walk on, hold my hand and rub my feet. #Gladly.

You raised the bar so high I’m afraid to look up.
You raised the bar so high, I’m afraid to look down.

What was easy became complicated; yet, the mountains to climb are conducive to #delectation.

And even if these words turn out to be lies, I doubt the damage can be undone: cause you made a believer out of me.

#InLimbo #ABeliever

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#IfUAskMeTo

I’m oversharing ‘cause,
In reality who knows if
We’ll ever meet again?
From Now on
Anything can happen…

Your next move is inconsequential
For what matters is mine
Your next move is relevant
Only if it includes my heart

Handled with dignity
Care for reciprocity

I’m over sharing ‘cause
In reality who knows if
We’ll ever speak again?
From Now On…
Anything can happen…

Although it takes the back seat
I’m eager to know more
For what matter is
To let it out – to let it known – to let it lived

It’s hard to eloquently share
my inner thoughts,
Even if many times
Simplicity alone, works

Hoping that overtime
The process will get easier

I’m over sharing ‘cause
In reality who knows if
We’ll ever kiss again?
From Now On…
Anything can happen.

#IfYouAskMeTo.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#FYI

Amazingly enough, life happens again in the most interesting way possible.

I matter; yet, I feel so insignificant sometimes.
I matter; yet, I feel like silence carries its weight so heavily on my shoulder it makes me bend over.
Uneasiness rips my soul into pieces and make me reconsider how things should be handled… or rather left alone.

I smile but I catch the subtleties of life more efficiently than you’d ever know.
But you’d never know.
Well I guess, now you know…

#FYI

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#FirstBase

Soft and Sweet.

I reminisce the Brightness of the morning.
I reminisce the Taste of drunk kisses.

I reminisce the Thrill of sleepless nights.

I reminisce the Strength of my desire.
I reminisce the Warmth of Your breath.
& your tender caress.

I reminisce the Scent of your face.
Your hands through my hair.
You calling my name.

I reminisce how it feels like.
I reminisce how it feels like.

I reminisce… How good it feels.

For now.

#FirstBase

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015

#FromNowOn

It’s interesting how one simple action can have phenomenal traction; how one silly little thing can affect one’s heart(s).

#FromNowOn:

Let’s not underestimate our power and how Well (or not so well) we fit into our surroundings: how fast the planet turns and how its moon revolution pulls and pushes the seas and all water-based bodies.

Let’s not underestimate how small entities such as hormones regent our behaviors and our functionality.

Let’s not underestimate the strength of our thoughts and the potential of our soul to connect with one another, even in great distances.

Ironically, today – I feel so weak, yet so strong. I guess it all depend on how you look at it…

In the end, all we need to do is Believe this is real, cause it is, indeed, #Real.

#FromNowOn

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2015