Category: love

In the matter of the heart
It’s only right when it feels good

#AllTheFeels

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2018

Picking Clothes:

1. Do I really like it?
2. Does it look good on me?
3. Am I comfortable wearing it? (will I take the subway with it?)
4. Is this my style?
5. Do I have something similar in my closet?

Picking Men:

1. Do I really like him?
2. Do I like who I am when I’m around him?
3. Am I comfortable enough being myself when he’s here?
4. Are we aligned?
5. Does this sound familiar?

#Picky

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2018

Bodega guy said: “Hola Mami! Que tal hoy Dia”
I said: “Est-ce que je peux vous aider?”
You see my Black ain’t Boriqua nor Dominicana
My black is French and Nigeria

That Lady said: “Oh my god, I love your hair”
I grabbed her hand midway
I said: “Don’t touch my hair”

Or I’ll see you in the elevator
My Cab driver said: “You don’t look black
You look pretty like those Dominican girls”

I said: “Dominicans are black –
Nigerians raped by Spaniards, they look like me & Black is beautiful
My aunty said said: “tu as perdu du poids depuis la dernière fois”
I said : “no need to assess my weight if you can’t acknowledge my accomplishments”

My Classmate said: “You are so nice for a pretty girl”
I pivoted and walked away.

Made me wonder
What kind of words
Over the years
I had been using
To say all kind of offensive shit…

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2018

#BackAndForth in between
Contentment and anxiety:

The beautiful life I am living
Pursuing my dreams
Yet, the time I have wasted
Trying to make the best of it-
But won’t be able to reclaim
My time.

#BackAndForth in between
being Divorced & being Free
No kids, nor responsibilities
I could hang out all night
but I am lacking energy

#BackAndForth in between
being grown, confident
& womanly shaped
But age and gravity weigh in – my flat belly’s gone

#BackAndForth
Mainly because
Of what I have been taught to internalize
& conditioned
Words used to cut.
I now fight back,
Until I’m numb?

how do I stand my ground – against myself?

This is what keeps me awake at night…

Going #BackAndForth

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2017

As if the slope wasn’t slippery enough
You rubbed your body in Sweet Sandalwood
And sat under the sun

Warm and soft and buttery,
Reflecting Browns and Blues
Radiating sensuality

You burst with light
You move with soul
And your sea salt caramel hue’
Sure set the tone

My blood pressure Rises
My heart beat increases
My pupils dilates
My breath weighs a ton

Give me a taste your own medicine
And soothe my cravings
Beneath my moon

Do not deny
My claim
I’m still covered
By Medicaid

For now

#AndImWaiting

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2017

#Sometimes I think of you,
And I scroll down your timeline
Just to see
Who you be with
Who you talk to
What you up to
Wondering if
You think of me, still…

#Sometimes

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2017

Rarely harmful.
Usually short-lived.
Oftentimes memorable.

#Infatuation is a funny thing: it creeps up on you and changes the narrative. It adds context to otherwise innocuous landscapes.

#Infatuation is addictive: it nightly keeps you up and overrides the senses. It sips through your soul and intoxicates your entire being.

#Infatuation is overwhelming: it indelibly stamps your memory. It cares not for details as it’s visionary.

#Infatuation is inspiring: it forces words out of their shell. It smoothes angles and triggers hidden tendencies.

#Infatuation is Truth Seeking: it catalyzes your sense of self. It strips you naked and leaves you exposed in warm waters – and you like it.

Unexpectedly dawns on you
Unequivocally shapes your spirit.

Take a breath
Into
The infinite Possibilities.

Rarely harmful.
Usually short-lived.
Oftentimes memorable.

#Infatuation

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2017

#WouldYouBeMyMango?
Juicy and Sweet,
The one bringing an extra edge
The one I devour in one seating.
 
#WouldYouBeMyMango?
Versatile and Nutritious
The one perfectly pairing with spicy
The one I blend in my smoothies
 
#WouldYouBeMyMango?
Bright and Delicate
The one satisfying my cravings
My one Delight in the morning.
 
I can’t believe
That all this time
Coalescing
In plain sight
You were here – by my side.

#WouldYouBeMyMango?

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2017

1. A mind reader
2. A game player
3. A sharp talker
4. Taking any nonsense
5. Giving a third chance
6. Holding grudges
7. Bitter
8. Aloof
9. That confident
10. Longing for you no mo

#TenThingsImNot

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2017

I choose to believe that you Love me
Yet circumstances made it seems differently.
I want my Rancor towards you to fade
#CauseISuspect your Toxic attitude
Is only a cry for Attention

I don’t expect you to understand me
I lost that interest long time ago
Neither expect your apologies
#CauseISuspect your pride
Won’t allow you to soothe my soul

I’ve stopped wishing for Compassion
I’ve stopped wanting Recognition
I’ve stopped assuming “I knew it all”
#CauseISuspect the way I feel
Has been heavily tainted

I decided to make Peace
And acknowledge my biases
When it comes to Motherhood
#CauseISuspect my perceptions
Stem from my rootless expertise

I cannot justly assess your Reasons
Nor fully comprehend your Inclinations
But I’ll embrace their Outcomes
#CauseISuspect this Reasoning
Will be my way to recover from these Afflictions

Today I am brave enough
To celebrate your input,
Or lack thereof –
#CauseISuspect my Character
Would be different, if not for You.

#CauseISuspect my Awareness
Would be different, if not for You.

#CauseISuspect
I would not be there, if not for You

& That must count for something.

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2017

No.

You can’t love me the way I deserve to be loved
But I’ll drink your magic until I’m back on my feet

I’ll write poems, chant songs and tingle inside
Passionately remembering – in the back of my mind – my furtive encounter with your #AlterEgo

Compounded memories of our tongues intertwined fade while
Your dexterity stays engraved down my spine:
Limpid as the water that flowed down my thighs,
That time.

I’ll forever be grateful for the inspiration you gave me
And the growth your indifference engendered within me

You pushed me through doors
Of unforeseen bliss:
A short-lived elation
Yet, overall mighty

You revamped my dull reality
Into an exhilarating maze
I now am finally finding the grand entrance

Don’t you recall a thing?
Or, should I assume you’re pretending not to?
For no weeks, for me, pass without the simple thought of you

I inconspicuously experiment, still, on our past esoteric frequency –
All #ForResearchPurposes
Of course:
Just to further humanity.

#ForResearchPurposes

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2017

I am Black, I am white
& everything in between
I am not asking for permission
I am just being me

And so what if I call myself black
I’m simply stating the fact
That the diaspora lives within me

I am not confused
Tho, you may be:
Your attempt to project
Failed miserably

Against all odds
I am serene
Despite your thoughts
I feel at ease

In your outrage:
I’m unconcerned.
You curse, you pace:
I’m unbothered.

Your Soul is drenched
By my claims
Bewildered
By my assertions

My existence
Impacts your spirit
You hastily jump
to conclusions

You’re tormented
By my Being
You fail to comprehend who “I be” and instead embrace fallacious ironies.

You don’t have to like it
You don’t have to acquiesce
For you’re irrelevant
In my most inner space

Feel uncomfortable? Good – you’re growing!

I am Black, I am white
& everything in between
I am not asking for y’all permission
I am just being me

And so what if I call myself black
I’m simply stating the fact
That the diaspora lives within me

©️ Daphne Mia Essiet, 2017